Judge — 1888 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. THE JUDGE’S PATENT he poor man can grind out the “ Mikado” until a shower of household articles fall, and then— JEALOusY. My wife? Dear boy, I love her still. My jealousy ? Unfounded quite. The story? Oh, ‘twas nothing. Yet Till tell it. Please give me a light. Ab, me! We lived in paradise ! How long? Well, Jack, I cannot tell. But, truly, "twas a honeymoon Refuigent—without parallel! Tloved no other. She -dear girl— Was all devoted, ...Well, one day T missed a bright-hued scarf. The next, Four handkerchiefs of color gay. T questioned her, A neat housewife She is, and never fails to keep My shirts and hose repaired. But when T queried, she began to weep! If she had said she knew naught of ‘The missings things, as you can see, Ishould have found no fault. But tears Roused my suspicions—angered me. I watched her closely, and one day Saw her within a letter place My newest scarf. Confusion! I ‘At last had found out my disgrace ! “You have a lover! Ah!” Icried. “Confess! Confess at once your guilt!” She laughed. ‘I'm sending this,"” she said, “To mamma, for her crazy quilt.” J. A. Watpron. The Vassar Commencement was a beau- tiful success. The young ladies had their PROTECTO: He can gather them in, | _ Thercis a new song. It is dedicated to | | Mr. Keely, It is entitled, ‘« Let me kill him } | for his motor.” It is N. C. Goodwin's opinion that the first thing necessary to success in base ball is to kill the umpire; but the latter thinks that | the opening proceeding should be the mur- der of N. C. Goodwin. LATEST CROP REPORT. hair done up with unprecedented skill, and their essays were mostly of white lawn, cut | on the bias, and properly adorned with | flowers and leaves. | Corn no longer in demand. IR FOR ORGAN-GRINDERS. (SEND FOR PRICE-LIST.) One more advantage—at rest. “There's still cause for thankfulness,” as the lodger said when the cornet.player turned in. If you cannot make up a handsome bed your husband will have a homely nose; but, then, don’t be discouraged. If he’s any kind of a man he'll get a new one. He was going down town yesterday, with two dozen eggs in a paper sack, when the bottom fell out. However, with a little paste the sack can be made as good as ever. The Dash Family of Swiss Bell ringers have tumbled unexpectedly upon a solution of the problem of how to raise the wind and a family at the same time. The ser- vices of a good-natured cyclone were called into play by a western town and the family were lifted into the next county without cost, clothes or any superfluous ceremony. A FATAL MISTAKE. Intelligent Cowboy (to Northerner who has run down to Texas to make inquiry about the sudden disappearance of Wealthy Relative)—'‘ Mean the Boston man? Al- ways wore his hat shined? Well, the fact is, he couldn't stand our climate. Went into Hart's drug-store and saw a glass of El Paso whisky and a glass of carbolic acid standing together on the counter, and” — “Ah, yes, I see; drank the carbolic by mistake instead of the”—— “No, drank the whisky by mistake, and dropped like a shot goat.” MILLER’S HOTEL, 39 & 4x West 26th Street, New York. $2.50 per Day. st Turkish, Electric and Roman Baths, and Massage. »_ for Cireulers. comicbooks.com