Judge — 1888 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. BRIEFS SUBMITTED. | — | BY CLYDE. THE OLD MAID. You can always tell an old maid, do you say, By her cork-screw curls and her winning way ? A surer test I'll name to thee. It’s her manly laugh— Te! he! het he!! “Jones, did you ever lie?” “Yes, lots of times.” “Well, you ain't lying now !.” A kin-dred feeling—that of two unruly boys who expect to be larruped by their parents for some misdeed. If you sing before breakfast you'll cry before supper. Persons who never eat | supper are left out of this deal, With what an air of calm superiority a hen will gobble a worm after the rooster has scratched it up! There are lots of hens in the world. “Can a lawyer be honest?” asks a New Haven paper. He is hired for quite an opposite purpose very frequently, but we suppose he can, outside of business hours, The man who buys a five cent beer, Then wants thrown in with it a mere ‘Two dollar’s worth of nice free lunch,— Should sit right down and take a “cheer,” And ask to have the hemisphere Fried, broiled and baked, for him to munch, A dilapidated old express wagon, to which was attached a blind equine, recently drew up in front of a fashionable dry.goods store, and the driver, addressing the proprietor, inquired : “Want any movin’ done, boss?” “Yes,” replied the irate gentleman, “I want you to move that one-eyed wreck off | this street!” He moved it. FARMERS’ MARKET NOTES. | BEEF ON THE HOOF AND PURE MILK RAPIDLY THE WORM TURNS. Perspirinc W Ill nockyerdow.” x— Now look ere, Mungumeley, you jus say ’s'is hottenuff fyou, an They say that Miln, the preacher-actor, is the only one on the boards who does not swear. He found in his clerical life, prob- ably, that the senseless repetition of the name of the Deity makes no impression on those who hear, and confers no benefit on him who utters it. Why should the canine flea be termed a great traveler? Because he sometimes be- comes a “New foundland explorer.” Mavp—*Ma, what kind of a blossom is a gin-blossom? Is it like a daisy?” Mater ramattas—* What a silly question? But why do you ask, Maud?” Mavp—'’Cause I’ heard Mr. Mugs say to-day that pa had the largest gin-blossom in the Ward, and it was a dais Sedgwick, special envoy to Mexico, isone of those enterprising lights of politics burn themselves at both ends. IN HORTICULTURAL HALL. Miss SmitHERs—* Charlie, dear, what kind of a flower is that?” Mr. Rosemax (a young collegian)—“' Love, that isnot a flower ; it is a tobacco plant.” Miss Surtnens—'‘Oh, how nice it must look when the plugs are hanging on it” RISING. did appetite.” $0 cts. and $1 per box, sent any address ; samples 25 cts., silver. Lady writes : “In Paris my physician prescribed Arsenic in solution, but it nearly killed me, and I was weeks in recovering. Iam, however, delighted with your Wafers. hale F jp They have not only greatly improved my complesion, but have also induced aplen- mail to ‘o be had only of Jag, P.C PBELL M.D, 146 West 16th Street New York, comicbooks.com