Judge — 1888 — page 54: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS SIMILAR AILMENT. — unt dot vas der happiest heart on der ather wid you?” ather wid you 7” Well, dat's phat’s de mather wid me.” der manager of der daily press, dis pasket of cakes unt candies unt dings too numerous to mention. A sob was heard over in Johnny's corner. Then a rattle was fished out of the pocket of the fur coat for the baby, and a knife for the next oldest boy, and a silver thimble for Loweesa. Then a package for Johnny the newsboy, said to contain choice gifts of groceries for Johnny's sick mother. When the tree was empty ALL THE DIFFERENCE. Wire—* What an entertaining, refined and witty lady Miss Cynic is! Who is she?" Hussanp—"The person who writes the scathing articles in the Gazette about the low morals of ‘modern society.’ decollete dress, etc."” . Wire —*Oh, the brute! How could they ever admit the horrid wretch in good society.” FROM JUDGE. AN IRISH BRAVE. = “And what would yez do, Moike, if thes British cum and York!" ~" Be gobs, I'd join me ould rigiment.”* ‘And where's the rigiment?” In Oireland.” and Santa Claus was about to dismiss his happy audience, Low- eesa said, with a wink to Mike tz: “Vy you didn’t pring somedings for Wilhelm Strauss, senior?” “I pring to der oldt man more as I pring to anyone else here, jowery street,” and Santa Claus ran out of the room. In a few minutes Strauss came in with much ado at the front door of the saloon, and was duly astonished at the jocund ap- pearance of the house. When he saw Johnny’s load of baskets and bundles, he said: “Vot you dink now, Chonny, apoud dem oldt humpugs unt draditions?’ “Dey would be more of the folks over on Baxter street believe Strauss, if they was more big-hearted Dutchman to act and Johnny wiped away a grateful tear. “Tears vas all blayed oud on such an occasion, Chonny ; you must be happy uf you preaks your heart,” and Strauss patted him on the back. Then up rose the silent Swartz and said, “Strauss, bedder you write anunder broverb song dot vill read, ‘Bedder is von tear like dot dan a hundert laughs.’” THE OLD PROFESSOR. AN OLD GLOVE. Fond girl, these tiny slips of kid Once your dear, dimpled digits hid, ‘And to your elbow pretty They climbed without the le: rm; Cr was it that they thought your arm The fairest in the city? One finger’s gone —the middle right: Tuse it, dear, when I indite ly rhymes by yellow tapers To shield my finger-nail from ink ; How would you fare if you, just think ! Lived’on the comic papers. That night! Can I forget Again I'see the ca And hear the rippling laughter, How many plates I passed between The openings in that teakwood screen! How soon I followed after ! I knew you feigned that stern surprise I knew it by your twinkling eyes Besides, you know your chatter Fell on a fascinated car That time I bent my lips—my de I'll never breathe the matte But I've grown careless of my loves, And am as bad at crossing gloves As turning off a sonnet. The sight of it just made me grow A trifle warm, my dear, and so T penned these verses on it. DE WITT STERRY. THE REWARD OF NOTORIETY. “Since my husband was mixed up in that divorce case,” said Mrs. Cantwell, “he has made more money by his literary work than his ministerial fees amount to.” “Indeed!” exclaimed Mrs. Cobwigger. work does he do, may I ask?” “Why,” replied the good-man’s better half, “he writes those unsolicited testimonials for soaps and patent medicines.” “What kind of literary comicbooks.com