Judge — 1888 — page 53: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. 51 Johnny to himself. A COLORED ARGUMENT. “T shall recite you a leedle broverb song vas called A LAUGH VOS HEDDER AS A GROAN. Ven on der sdreet 1 valks When the clumping of the wooden leg had ceased, he said: “For Chonny Con- nolly, a journalist dot has’ peen alvays on handt mit der noosepa- at night, J pers, unt vas villing to T nodis on cach house 1 een i —S. read der bapers te his Fiained vindewsaales | , ( frients, I got a new H pair of poots.” Applause from all hands. “For Mike Swartz, dot plows his arm off mita shell at der sharge on der Vilderness, I got dis elegant shmoke- pipe unt a halluf a pound tobacco.” Excited applause fol- lowed by the one-sided approach of Mr. Swartz. “For Wilhelm Strauss, chunior, who likes his pooks unt meppe vill make boetry like his fader, but he might do verse, I got dis shlate unt book.” light Fon shining outside mit der glass But fon some vindows light + Von laugh is vort a hun- dert groans.” Unt so some fellows dot I meet, Dem alvays got der cur- in do = emer dey Salk, Dot makes nooralgy in der bones, Unt py mineselt Ishtop unt ta “A laugh is vort a hun dert groans. You gut hot boxes on der ‘cars Because dat oil vas gettin? No applause. “Unt dis new shled dot turns oop bote v unt peats der for pelly gutters Loud and applause. “For Chonny Con- nolly, der shentiemanly agent for der noosepa- pers, dis new suit of clothes.” A strange silence, “For der leedle kids dot lif mit Chonny Connolly, htars got alvays vhirled By dose addractions dot dey owrs, Y. M. C. A, oFFICIAL—No colored man Is admitted here " CoLoreD APPLICANT —**But my soul may be as white as yours.” Y.M.C. A. oFFictaL—" Yes, no doubt; but we object to the binding.” lat Py chiminy, you hear me shpoke! undert groans.” “A laugh vas vort a hundert groans.” Der piggest fool vas efer porn He gota shance to make fulks cry, He needn't vent to school to learn Nor vait oxperiments to try For drouble dat vas alvays roundt cfer sdrikes in all dese years, ine frient, you alvays found **A shmile vas vort a hundert tears.” ANOTHER UNFORTUNATE. Shtop oop his cars unt runs avay. Bat uf L got some leedle choke Dem fellows laughs unt shakes deir bones, THE DEACON’S OPINION. A tousand years ago some mans He somcdings done dot makes men veep, Unt efer since folks got a shance Dey curse der Llace dot fellow shlcep. Anunder fellow somedings said, So funny dot der whole vorld A tousand years since he goes t Dot choke vas in der bapers peen. Der vorldt vas shmile in May unt June, She laughs out louder Tuy: September makes her shange her tune, int in November she vill cry. But Christmas comes, unt Ch Mit choy dot for der bast a Unt mit dis broverb bounds der year, “Von laugh is vort a hundert groans.”” The round of applause which fol- lowed the poem was accented in an alarming manner by the thumps of Hofensack’s wooden leg. After the manner of public speakers at “Shick- ering Hall,” Santa Claus warned the audience to confine their approba- tion to clapping of hands, and said: “I shall now broceed to execute der broceedings uf der brogramme. I hafe here a shplendid new silk dress unt_a red barasol for Mrs. Loweesa Strauss.” A delighted cry went up and the smiling St. Nicholas went on : “For Bimby Hofensack, a feteran of der late war unt a sound boliti- cian, I hafe a Cherman silfer-blated cup described mit all der pattles of der war.” PR-TIRNKSG ingly “Tam of de impression dat de daily papahs would do de public mo’ good if dey would pub- lish de hen house districts ’stead o' dose war maps.” Farmer— Going to try for a pension, hey? ‘Then you were in the war? ‘Tramp—No ; but I had ter read ther war newe ter me grandmother an’ injured me eyesight.” comicbooks.com