Judge — 1888 — page 47: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD THINGS FROM JUDGE. ACCOMMODATING. It pains me, Mr. Boggs, to see you coming out of a bar-room.” TM go right | Gs— All right, deacon! Anything to save your feclin’s. in again.” UNLIMITED CAPITAL NECESSARY. “ Yes," said the young man, “ my ambition in life is to get rich, to roll in wealth; nothing but an unlimited bank account will ever satisfy the cravings of my soul.” And what will you do with all your wealth?” he was asked. “Twill take it to the Hoffman’ House art gallery and buy a drink.” A FINE PAINTING. Friend (to_ young artist)—“ By Jove, Charley, that’s a glorious painting! What is it, a sunset?” Foung artist (faintly)—* No, it’s a sunrise.” SECOND TO NONE. A MIRACLE. “*T notice,” remarked an Englishman who was visit- ing the coun- try, “that your aristocracy don’t haveany divorce cases that can com- pare with those in the old country.” “No,” re- plied the Yankee: “I guess the only time we can get ahead of you in that re- spect is when one of our ministers is involved.” I suppose | could, easily mention the greatest Ame- rican novelist, but modesty prevents. —W. D. Howells, “What wuz de tex’ dis mornin’, “It wuz about de meracles, Brother Vousand baskets of fish.” “I don't see any meracle about dat.” “Oh, de meracle am, dey all didn’t bust.” now. Mister Johnson? 1 wuz too late.” Whar de Lor’ fed seven people on five TO BE, OR NOT TO BE “Lawrence, shall we throw ourselves upon her, seize the growler and retire to some secluded nook and enjoy ourselves as'men, or how?” “Nay, Marcellus : she isa female and entitled to every consi our hands, Let's offer to purchase the contents of the growler; ¢hen, if she refuses, your idea will be worth considering,” SOME CANDID JUDGMENT. Briggs— Tompkins has been talking about you.” “He has? The idiotic old liar! What did he say?" “Why, he said you were the best looking man in the block.” “Wh— 0, I'see! Well, you know, Mr. Tompkins was always conceded to have a great deal of taste.” Ives, that great man, still remin We can make our lives sublim And, departing, leave behind us Wrecks to strew the sands of time, NO FAVORS ALLOWED. Congressman (in sleeping-car)—* Porter, will you bring me a glass of water?” Porter— 'Gainst interstate commerce rules, sah.” BY A CHEESE-PRESS REPRESENTA- TIVE. You must never mix your music with your beer. "Tis the modern sage that speaketh, All the older wisdom leaketh. Mix your whiskies and your wines, Vour theologies, your lines, Your sociologies, biologics, Sciologies. psychologies, Your isms and your theories, Your higher drinks, your beeiries, But never muse your mixture with your beer. You must never mixture lager with the band. Hide the music in the attic ; immoral, it's erratic. Mix your words and freely drink, Fuse ideas as you think, Pass the bowl from eve till late— ‘That can ne'er intoxicate ; But muse no fusic with the deleterious ban. You must never beer your music with the mix Itis tolerable and yood That a legislator should Law against the harmony *Twixt the drinks and melody. He must take his separate— ‘Then they ne'er intoxicate. You must never muse your beering with the mix. comicbooks.com