Judge — 1888 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

22 to-morrow, "replied the High Grand Nerve, “We have taken up the consideration of a question narrowly af- fecting one of the dearest privileges of our order.” Then, raising his voice, he continued, “ Brothers of In- finite Cheek, I will re-state the question for the benefit of our worthy brother, Mr. Samuel Snapp.” “A firm of merchants”"— began the President, but he was interrupted bya perfect storm of yells from all quarters of the large lodge room, “Well, a firm of misers I will say—of mean, con- temptible skinfints, have caused the arrest of one of their traveling salesmen "— “What,” interjected our hero, “arrest a drummer!” Astonishment prevented his adding more. “Yes,” said Cuticle, taking “Ladies unt shentlemen, I vill now proceed to oxecute der up the thread of the Presi: most difficult ting efer attempted by a magician. dent’s remarks, “arrested THINGS FROM JUDGE. THE PROFESSOR AT OUR CHRISTMAS PARTY, « You sce, ladies unt shentlemen, I haf not only shy lowed der umbrella, but I haf opened it on my insides ! him, and for what?—merely for charging the ordinary hotel ex- ment’s notice. His perceptive faculties, tov, were most astonish- penses in his account, instead of the reduced rate to which, asa ingly acute. I have seen him enter a comparatively well-filled member in good standing, he is entitled, and has everywhere obtained.” Cries of “Shame,” “Privilege,” mingled with calls tor “Question!” re-echoed around the ro »m. For the first and last time in his life Sam Snapp was so utterly dumb- founded as to be for the moment deprived of the power of speech “Gentlemen,” he at length found voice to say, as he rose to his feet; “gentlem: his infringement of the dearest rignt and most unques- tioned privilege of itinerary mercan- tile existence—(‘That's good,’ from somewhere)—existence, I say, must not be suffered to go unpunished. I shall take upon myself the task of avenging the impugned rights of our order. You shall presently give me the name of that firm"-—— “We have resolved to boycott them,” remarked the President CLASSICAL. passenger car, and without looking around or taking the slight- est apparent notice of its occupants, he would instinctively gravitate to a vacant seat by some pretty female. No matter if the fair creature hap- pened to be a widow behind an im- penetrable crape veil, Snap, without looking at her, could tell whether she was old or young, pretty or ugly; in fact, he could beat’ any known scientist on the subject of Natural Selection, and if beauty couldn't draw him by a single hair, a well arranged back coiffeur had a decidedly magnetic influence over him. This time, as he entered the “sleeper,” he discovered that the car was tolerably well filled with a traveling theatricalcompany. Snapp rather affected the “ profession,’ and more than one actress had made a TNS crush of him, so he tackled the = porter for a section in this same “sleeper.” and secured it without much difiiculty. Our fastidious young man always “ Boycott! "said Snapp. “No,no. Srineser Be What ° ict t . ‘ ; QRcient vene 5 x" CLASSICS —"* What a rare pleasure it is to meet one That is a paltry. insufficient ven- ho understands and appreciates the classics ; you know Horace geance. Leave them to me. You speaks" — confidence in me, brothers of | suy. (ith ecstasy)—"0, yes! I admired him very much. You Infinite Cheek (hear, hear!), I will know we are related to him; ma'was a Greeley before her marriage.” had a section to himself when he justify that confidence. I will make traveled on sleeping cars, and the the name of that firm smell from Alpha to Omaha. Listen; company he represented paid for the luxury. 1 will unfold my plan.” Cuarrer ILI. Tue next afternoon our young and fascinating hcro set off on OUR COMPLIMENTS TO THE METROPOLITAN POLICE COMMISSIONERS. Permit us to suggest a suitable Sprin; uniform for the city's finest gi his travels well loaded with seductive smiles, swell clothes, poker chips, and sundry bottles of the ardent. His samples and his voca- tion in life he kept, for the time being, concealed in the private recesses of the bag- gage-car. Now Mr. Samuel Snapp had never studied the Del- sarte system, as expounded at the new school for acting under Mr. Mackaye’s man- agement. Nevertheless, he could out-Mackaye Mack- aye, and out-Delsart Delsart himself in the variety of facial expressions he was able to assume at a mo- It was about six o'clock p. x. when they started out of the Grand Central Depot, and Snapp was able to size up the respective beauties of the troupe _by day- light. The lead- ing lady was neither young nor pretty, and evidently be- longed to the manager, but a pretty little woman, dressed in black, occu- pied a seat that would form part of Snapp’ssection when the berths came to be made up. She wasvery young, very pret- ty, and evidently unhappy, for every now and A LAW SUIT. comicbooks.com