Judge — December 8, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE 13 cuus. KNEW a man with a hacking cough, Who feared consumption for years, But a premature dynamite slug took off His head just over his ears. ‘And a fellow who feared the open sea, Or the placid river's shore, He caught his head in a Joop of rope Which hung o'er a bole in a floor; And before They untied him he was no more. And I knew a fellow who would not dine ‘With thirteen, asa rule, For he said be found it a certafh sign ‘That one of the crowd was a fool. He carried a buckeye, a copper cent, And a lucky stone, for years; He was kicked by a mule, mashed under a tent, Ground up in some saw-mill gears; Ieappears His life was a vale of tears, And there isa farmer who watches the moon ‘When he sows his cabbage or wheal; He grafts hi squashes exactly at noon, ‘And he times every turnip and beet. “Thus the almanac governs his growing fruits, Likewise his basley and hops, “The moon takes charge of his grass and rots, ‘And everything fons to tops a eS then he stops ‘The sheriff sells out his crops. “The man with a horseshoe over the door Was rushed to death by tramps, ‘The man who the snakeskin always wore Was twisted to death by cramps ‘The fellow that wore the greasy string Was clutched by the fever’s claw, And I saw the man with the dried bat’s wing, And the magic rabbit's paw, By some faw Sliced up by a circular saw. Thus J know no better thing to be done “Than just to do our best, Under the stars or moon or sun, With the wind in the east or west; eee et arte ee <<" Say, old fllah! gst night you slapped me on the bwack when you were divunk Detaining socces for ourscives by p was a jgwentlem bab peri h ttad ca De Swrmi—" Did T, me deah bhoy? Vewy sorry, ‘pon me honah, Didn't mean to. Ghee cnotge What foolish things a dwunken man does To our spirits by reading the Joon, A. 7. woRDEN. THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID. PERILS OF STYL HEY do things decorously when they can up in Winnepeg. A lord bishop from the Canadian dominion visited one of the established church magnates there recently, and tre with high ceremony. His grace was late at_ brea morning, and the rector’s wife, becoming uneasy, instructed her maid-of-all-work as follows: “Go up to his gt Bridget, and knock gently, and when the bishop slowly and quietly, just as Ido, * My lord, bre The hostess listened, and heard Bridget’s clump, clump, clump upon the stairs, Then a brawny bang upon the bishop's door, and the following : Bishop (gently from inside) —"* What is it >" Bridget (loudly from outside)—"" My God! Come to break- fast! It's a-waitin RESTITUTION. She took the little Cupid in her hand, A dainty figure modeled out of clay; She said, the sweet coquette, “* Who could withstand The charms the tiny statue dath display >" Admiringly the smiling elf T took, But I, alas! am clumsiest of men; It dropped and broke; I braved her angry look. “Take me," I said,“ Love shall be whole again.” NATHAN At. LRWY. VERY REPREHENSIBLE. Mike-—* An’ how's times, Pat?” Pat— Purty bad, Moike, dom th’ ilivated road. “ What's wrong wid de ilivated road ? 's makin’ me poor iviry Méke— Clane yer brist. mon.” Pat—"Whin de road stharted de fare wuz tin cints, Oi walked, Moike, an’ shaved tin cints a day. Now de fare is foive cints. Oi walk, Moike ; but dom me ‘f I can shave mor'n foive cints. What de yez think o” that fer takin’ de bread ov 7-—A “major ‘run.”* 8.—Finger exercise. @ poor man’s mouth ?” comicbooks.com