Judge — December 8, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FORCED CRITICISM. 66 LIOW do you like my new gown, dear?" asked Mrs. Claude Derwent as she floated into the library and posed for the criticism of her domestic tyrant. No answer. “ Claude, I think you failed to hear me. How does my gown suit you?” Still no reply. “think you're awfully mean! Can't you tell me you like “Like what?” and the head is still buried in the paper. “ Why, my new gown, “It's a poem!” Head sinks a little lower, “Mr. Derwent, you haven't even looked at it!” “1 know, my dear; but you know I never read poems either.” And she went out and put on a wrapper. BACK NUMBERS. ‘The bald-headed man, in his family pew, Leaned back on the cushion and slumbered, = g ‘And he dreamed that the preacher these words had proclaimed HE PAID FOR ALL HE GOT. “The hairs of your head are all numbered.” Warter—"' You are a bummer, sir! The idea of coming in here, listening to the ‘The bald-headed man awoke with a start music all the evening, and ordering only one glass of beer !” From his weekly, evotional slumbers; Guest (praducing slate and pencil, and writing —"* You vill hef to shpeagk a leedle Then he sank on his knees and fervently prayed, outer, mein frent; I vos deefer den a posdt !" 0, Lord! send me down the back numbers.” LURANA W, SHURLDOS. PECULIARLY ELIGIBLE. WHAT AN UNMARRIED PHILOSOPHER SAYS. At a school examination, the principal, knowing that the members “Do you know what gives a woman the most satisfaction?” of the committee whose duty it was to assign the prizes were frequently “ Her beauty, of course.” annoyed by the importunities of parents, especially recommended one “ Not her own, but the absence of any in some other woman.” pupil as having claims to their consideration. But in what do these claims consist ?” asked the chairman, je has no mother.” A JOKE WITH ITS TOES TO THE DAISIES. Jones, who has lately lost his father, wears a deep “ weed ” on his hat, but no other sign of mourning. The other day he called to see his fiancée, and, seeking sympathy for his severe cold, the keen young woman remarked, “It isn’t serious, Bar- tholomew; for, like your mourning, I see it is confined to your head. IF BUT. Tt was of lace, a handsome dress, Upon the velvet sofa lying, T touched its folds, and must confess, My love aflame, I fell to sighing. And then the thought came unto me, (Upon the dress ought I not pin it?) How much more beautiful 't would be, If but my charming Nell were in it! MUSICAL NOTATIONS. eset 2.—This is ‘* D"—sharp. A MUSICAL MAIDEN. Emily— \ never knew that Eugenia Henshaw was a per- former on a wind instrument.” She isn’t, is she 2” Why. ver since the arrival of the duke of Mortar from England he has been very attentive to her, and she has simply been playing on his coronet.” [Author of tais is dead. Funeral to-morrow. No flowers. —Fd.) SIMPLY BRUTAL. Jones is frankness itself. Being at an evening party he took occasion to compliment a lady, not otherwise remarkable for her beauty, on her small feet. “You can’t mean what you say, Mr. Jones,” said the lady, greatly flattered, as she still further, by a deft movement of the hand, exposed the members in question. “ You re quite right, madam,” said Jones, looking down; "I only saw half of them, 3-—Just before a “rest.” comicbooks.com