Judge, 1888-12-08 · page 10 of 16
Judge — December 8, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satirical content: **"BOSE"** is a dialect poem (by Ava Wilder McGlassan) about a disreputable poor white character who steals, swears, and causes trouble in his community—yet somehow becomes a Methodist preacher. The satire mocks both the character's improbable reformation and likely the hypocrisy of religious institutions accepting morally questionable members. **"Stag-Parties"** satirizes men-only dinner parties as pointless and excludes wives unfairly, comparing husbands to a man who made his wife spy through keyholes while he entertained. **"The Hidden Color"** and **"Ready to Catch the Tears"** are humorous short pieces: the first a sentimental story about a sad girl in dialect who confused vegetable orders; the second a courtroom joke about buckets placed to catch tears during a breach-of-promise case (a common lawsuit type). The page uses heavy dialect humor typical of the era, mixing social commentary with slapstick comedy and romance parody.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE BOSE. EPR U2 te sore’ so-count cht Dis uth hed on it; Dyah wuzn’ anyfing so vile But wha’ dat limb ud fahly spite Untwel he done it! Dee cail't ‘im Bose, ‘kase why, yo" know It ‘peahed to fit ‘m; Fo" Bose means bad, an’ way-down-low, ‘An’ po" white trash, an’ on'ry, $0 It sut’n’y bit ‘im, He'd steal an’ swar an’ smoke an’ lie To shame de dickens ; Yo" mellion-patch he'd squelchify, An’ rob yo" f00s' befo’ yo" eye Ob all de chickens. His mischief-wo'd wuz laike a lw “Mongst t urr chillen ; An’ plenty times T’se tole his paw Dat wha’ dat runt wuz itchin’ fo", War sholy killin’ An’ yit, dat weerly spit o° sin Dat ‘sarved no pi Grofed up a high-tone’ gentlemin! H'm-m-m! a Mef‘dis’ preacher, in Dis ve'y city! AVA WILDEE MC GLASSON. THE DELICACIES O’ THE SEASON. Let everyone be careful how he tenders the Christmas turkey under the stimulus of Christmas feeling. History records that when Mrs. Mc- Faddle sent a goose to Mrs. Michael Fitzpatrick, knowing her grievous impecuniosity, the latter returned it with her card attached and these words: “ Madame Michael Fitzpatrick’s regards to Mrs, McFaddle and the requiest that she dissiminates her gaase in her own sphare o' life.” “STAG-PARTIES.” It seems well enough for club-dinners to be partaken of by men exclusively, for manifestly it would be a bore to ladies to be present; but THE NEWEST LONDON HAT. what special element of pleasure can there be in a dinner-party at home from which the ladies of the family are excluded ? What is it for? One can't help thinking of the old lady who said, when her husband gave a roa whist party, it kept her at the key-hole and Mirandy at the window- THE HIDDEN COLOR. blinds all night long. SAT there in the corner of the ladies’ waiting-room at Four Mile River station, a vision of mute loveliness. Her face was somewhat in shadow, but a pair of great deer-like eyes looked out from under the rim of the pretty hat she wore, and her figure, whose perfect symmetry the folds of her caped gown could not hide, was that of a goddess. As 1 glanced at her ina kind of spell-bound admira- tion a pearly tear began to build itself on her lower eye- lid, and gathering power from some hidden emotion it broke loose at last and beaded down her check and splashed to the floor. Such uncomplaining mis- ery was more than I could stand, and walking over to her I inquired in as gentle a way as I could the cause of + her unhappiness, Completely unnerved at thesudden influx of sympathy, she buried her face in her hands, and as convulsive sobs shook her frail body until 1 thought her heart would break she gasped, “ My mammy, she done sen’ me t’ d’ stoah on an errant, an I jes’ sneaked in heah fer t° mor'lize whuv- ver hit wuz greens ‘n molahses, er green molahses whad she tole me—wow —wow! Jes’ luff me d’ loan ob a snickerchief, will yer?” I gave her one, and boarded a friendly train. READY TO CATCH THE TEARS. First lau (in court room)—* What are all those buckets for ?”” Everything depends upon the head. A P&AN OF Joy. Blow d’ horn en call d’ people, ** Whad's d’ mattah?" Lawd a mitey! Fetch d° barnjo en d’ bones ; Doan’ yo" know whad’s raised d" roof, 5 tah hei Ring "bell frum out d steeple, Sence at leben rclock las’ nighty ? Second lawyer—" Breach-of-promise case on, and the plaintiff is Yell en shout in glory tones ! Liddle Ephrum’s cut a toof ! expected to testify this morning.” comicbooks.com