Judge, 1888-12-01 · page 10 of 16
Judge — December 1, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor: **"A Questionable Destination"** presents a tall tale of "Deadwood" Hollins, an entirely evil Western outlaw who murdered his father and mother, committed crimes constantly, and dies accidentally. The satire lies in the camp rector's impossible task: finding *anything* good about him to say at his deathbed. The joke is that evil exists so completely in this character that even spiritual consolation becomes absurd. **"The Latest on the Bowery"** makes a contemporary political joke: a waiter responds to a soup order with "One C-l-e-v-e-l-a-n-d"—likely referencing Grover Cleveland, probably mocking either his administration or a current scandal. The humor depends on readers recognizing Cleveland as a timely reference. The remaining pieces are lighter domestic humor: a clerk's "promotion" to drug-store stamp duty, a woman's mysterious behavior exposed, dialect humor about a husband's work ethic, and conductor frustration with passenger ticket-handling.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A QUESTIONABLE DESTINATION. DEAPwoop HOLLINS was a bad man, He came west > on the back of an * army mule at the age of seven, and began hisocciden- | career on his 4 val at Jewel —“ Crag by soaking the faithful ani- in kero- sene and applying a match to it. On his father's remonstrance, Deady, as they called him, reached around back of the old gentleman, drew the paternal revolver and bored a hole in his sire large enough to crawl through. For this deed he was more or less canonized in the hearts of the Crag citizens, and when at the age of fifteen he completed the task of making himself an orphan, by pushing his mother down an aban- doned shaft, he jumped into state prominence as _ adangerous man. An appointment as sheriff brought him the chance to gratify his killing propensities, and at the age of thirty his private graveyard was literally brimming over. Stage-robbery, horse-stealing, arson and general cussedness filled in the THE LATEST ON THE BOWERY. Customer— Let me have a bow! of soup.” Watrer—"' One C-I-e-v-e-a-n-d !” chinks between the murders, and when at last an enemy, who was never de- tected, substituted a dynamite for a percussion cartridge in his revolver, and Deady carelessly snapped the hammer on it, what was left of him was the resi- due of a very unrespectable citizen. The camp rector, a mild and guileless man named Bland, was called in to offer spiritual consolation to the dying man, but think as hard as he could he could not remember one single act of Deady's which it was possible to twist into anything approaching goodness, and all he was able to say was that he was very sorry the accident had occurred. “ Parson,” whispered Deady, “ you're a square man an’ I allus set store by yer, an’ no man kin say I ever fired at you when you wasn’t lookin’. I'm goin’ now, parson, an’ I want yer t’ know I like yer.and I can’t say no more ter make yer bilieve it than ter wish right here thet we may meet whar I'm a-goin ter ‘i A DISTURBING ELEMENT. TACLERK (as the electric gong bangs azeay)— M That jay in number eleven must be crazy !" Soavs (of Keyport, as he gets ready to re- tire-—"" 1 ain't agoin’ t” have no strange folks a peckin’ through that hole ‘f I kin help it.” fetch up! Good-bye, parson,” and Deady stopped talking forever. The parson went home, and has been wondering ever since whether Mr. Hollins’s last wish will be gratified. A RESPONSIBLE POSITION. “I hear you have a new place, Fred.” Yes; I'm kept pretty busy now. Busier than you were at the last place?” ‘m stamp clerk in a drug store now.” FOUND QUT. She wore an air of mystery “That puraled and perplcsed, And, lover like, with jealouey His anstous heart was vexed. But with grim determination He removed all further doubt, For with each faculty alert He called, and found her out. LURANA W. SIOELDON A DUBIOUS REPUTATION, “hope your husband is not so indolent as he used to be,” said the minister to an old colored woman, “Deed he ain’t, sah,” replied Aunt Chloe. / That's excellent news, my good woman,” said the pious man. “You'se jus’ she rep! y he's a hustler in ptovidin’ fur his fam'ly ‘round 1 HE FAILED TO PUNCH WITH CARE. Coxpuctor (lo slerw fassenger)—"" Why don't you keep your ticket stuck in your hat like this gent here? Then I wouldn't have to wait a week for you.” comicbooks.com