Judge — October 6, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE AT THE CLOSE OF THE DANCE. Mr. Corsher (master of ceremonies)— “Ise godder word t’ say t’ yo’, Mistah Yelks !" Mr, Yelks Mr. Corsher—*Yo' darnced d° las’ set wiv Deac. Sarker’s gal?” Mr. Yelks— Umpah.” Mr. Corsher—* Whadjer say t' d’ gal when yo’ crossed ober dat las’ squirl ob d’ reel?” Mr, Velks—* Whad | say?” Mr, Corsher —" Va-a-as, yo’ scum. Whadjer sa Mr. Ve “Hol’ on, now! who's sponsible fer dis ‘vestigation ?” Mr. Corsher—"V is. Mr. Yelks—" Well, den, whadjer cal'late 1 says ? Mr. Corsher—*S' here, now, yo’ Lijah Yelks, 1 don’ wan’ no sic- igatin’ ob dis mattah! Wen yo" tunned d’ cohner down b’ dat gal didn’ yo’ chuck out a whispah t'd’ ‘fec’ dat dis yer ball Jminded yo" ob a crow-ronst struck b’ lightnin’ ?! Mr, Yelks—* Dat's mergin’ on whad 'r said.” Mr. Corsher—* Pull razzers !" Mr. Yelks—" Hol’ on! Yo'se gittin’ flustid, Mr. Corsher. eber see d’ sit'wation whad 'r mentioned 3” Mr. Corsher— Nopey; budder don’ wan’ no sperities on my man’gemunt ob dis yer darnce! Dat ‘r don’t, yo" brack sludge, dat ‘r don’t Mr. Velks—* Ain't no speritit Did yor fistah Corsher, I ‘shaw yer. (Use snuff? Hit’s good fer d’ smeller.) Lis'en. Wen d’ crows sees d’ lightnin’ come, a-chum-pah ! down inter d’ roost, whad’s dey do? IWhad's dey do, Mistah Corsher ? Il d’ crows whad's godder rep'tation fer bein’ hones’ dey jes” sets. s dar wifes an’ famblys, an’ lets all d° rogue crows do d’ shoutin’ an’ d’ grumblin’ en—I’se glad yo’se put dat razzer up, Mistah Corsher; 1 wuz begin t’ tink yo’ might be a gittin’ mad.” SOUND ADVICE. “Doctor, | have caught a terrible cold in the head; what shall I take?" The doctor, after a moment's thought, replies : “A handkerchief.” WOUND. IT UP THERE. * How does it happen that your clock is way up there on the wall?” asked a customer of a merchant, whose timepiece was ten feet from the floor. “We wound it up there when we first got it,” was the reply. A GUILTY CONSCIENCE. ‘The boys had arranged the new phonograph for a little fun, and as Uncle Hunkers came in it said, “* Of all the liars, cheats, frauds, and thieves in the world, Mr. Hunkers of Bridgeville is the worst U widder Monk's hoss, an’ I'll giv yer five dollars !" ¢ Hunkers—" Whoever yer be under that table, don't say nothin’ about my stealin’ NOT A SUCCESS. ____ Mr. Whiffet, whose boys would go into the water too much, conceived the idea of a papier mdché shark for warning purposes. But it hardly worked as well as he imagined it would. FOR AUTUMN TRAVELERS. The beginning of the autumn season, when it is pos- sible to journey with some comfort, reminds one of the following aphorisms by Alphonse Karr: “One does not travel for the sake of traveling, but only in order to be able to say that we have traveled.” “When one starts off on a journey, it is proof not so much of a desire to see the country to which we are going, as of a hearty disgust with that we have just left.” THE BLIND BEGGAR. With hat in hand All day I stand; ‘Would that kind Heaven would free me! Comes to my mind Are all men blind? For no one seems to sce me. EXTRA, EXTRA HAZARDOUS. Peterby—" | suppose you have rates for different lines of business.” Accident insurance agent—"Ves, ten dollars a year for $1,000 is the lowest and twenty the highest. The latter is for-those engaged in extra hazardous business. What are you in?” Peterby—" | am just now engaged in taking political straws on railroad trains.” Agent—| shall have to charge you $40. comicbooks.com