Judge — October 6, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HOW BELLA EARNED HER WAY. A STORY OF VASSAR. INGSTALL was the daughter of proud parents, and when she announced her intention of working her way through Vassar college her high bred mother laughed a low, supercilious laugh; while her oldest brother, who was reclining in an all- wool Mexican grass hammock with all the luxurious abandon of the latter part of the fourth century, sneered contemptuously and thought of his own lordly career at the university of Montana, This career was so brilliant, in fact, that at the end of the first term he had to leave on account of his eyes—so the local paper said. But Bella was a girl eminently of sand. Her hair was of a light,= sandy hue, and w there were’ no easily disintegrating constituents in her teeth, it requires no chemical lore to know that even the hardest materials are the result of induration. Oh, yes: Bella had sand, lots of it! ‘The class of humpty-steen, Vassar, had graduated. ‘The campus was flecked with white dresses and ribbon-encircled diplomas, the evi- dences of completed educations, the pontoons on which young woman- hood trundles over to the dry land of real life. Among the group of delighted parents standing about the green- turfed campus were the Restingstalls, the parents of the daring girl who ridiculed her modest proposal to earn her own way through Vassar, ly brave daughter,” murmured her father (an imperious, high- strung soul, not unlike Boulanger before his recent duel); “ was it by paint ing or the writing of sketches for Harper's that you beat your path ?” fur it.” “ By neither,” said the young girl as the two wandered over to some shade tees where a waiter was dipping out lemonade made from pure water and a label from a lemon-extract bottle.“ During vacations | made Jagley and up the berths on a Hudson river steamboat, and in the spring I picked depositing there a large quantity of ice, huckleberries for the Poughkeepsie restaurants.” Old? Restingstall had fainted, He was not a strong man, anyway, and not for six generations had one of his line earned his own living. OLD CHOCOLATE'S JOCOSERIOUS CHAT. De fool needs two tongues an’ on'y one eah. Ef yo" try long ‘naff, yo’ kin walk a tight rope. Sometimes de bait ah wuff mo’en de fish hit cotches. W’en yo’ er ina orchud yo’ sellom hankah fo’ apples. De man wid a club in ‘is han’ mus'n't grum'le of he gits one ‘on ‘is back, A man can't be berry wicked widout hit’s stickin’ out, Dat am toe say, w'en yo" is lame yo’ gottah limp. Friendship once broken kin be mended, but de cracks ull allus show. De chick dat won't come in at a cluck sets great stoah by de coop w'en hit rains. Measha yo" watah toe yo" meal w’en yo’ make cake er yo" ull hab porridge instead, Many a man dat wants toe know how deep de ribber am drowns befo' he fin's out. A mouf-ful ob souse in a house whar dar er peace am bettah ena whole shoat ‘wid a quarrel. Gib laziness a knife an’ hit ull whittle a fence pos’ down toe a whip-stalk widout usin’ edah ob um. PS ‘There was an old major named Banks, Who had risen from low in the ranks ; When to him they said, “ You've got the big head,” He smilingly answered * Thanks!” ANNAPOLIS PLEASANTRY. Caper We often miss the hare by beating the bush, everything at home?” UNcie SILAS SANDRACK—"' Begosh! these ere city folks do contrive the A joker played a little joke, A little joke that weighed upon The spirits of another chap: ‘The chap the joker played it on! But jocular the joker was: * Why sit you there so gloomerous? Who will not make must take a laugh, Yet men like you must feel their force, ‘And help to make life humorous "” A WOMAN'S REASON. LopER (fourth class ; to his callers)—"* Come right in, father ! glad to see you. If you'll wait till 1 get through this little favor I'm doing for a first-class man, I'll be with you. I've only this candle and soap to eat. The ithout hought “Th erly spr both cor we are f we Trejo their he: Dr. Sag Medical funeral coin int yrave so It ma it is har she is hz “NAS NO GOOD. \ pro men An queerest things I ever see. So this is one of their great foldin’ beds. Well, they about th may be limber enough to sleep into it, but | swar [can’t fold myself small enoug! our oy But w s om teeth? IT THE FIRST TIME. That Jagley were passing the post-office as the ice-man was import and by + Jagley—" What do they want all that ice in the post-office for?" Both « Bagley—" Why, to put the dead letters on.” = HUMOROUS, condito He was a most athletic chap— who pre tion by The chap the joker played fton; * He rose and closed a heavy fist, as Warn And heavily he laid it on. and Log “Although my whimsicalities, remedies clusively Said he, “are far from numerous, purity ner’s sal as the fa occasion strength And own them strongly humerus.” MKS, GEORGE ARCHIBALD, “ What good will it do to tell Jennie that Mr. Shaw once flirted with Those dr you when they love each other so?” asked Mamie. ee “Why,” was the reply, “it roa will make the three of us feel bad.” served fe ease calle THE REAL REASON. baal A Yankee and a southerner January were disputing the other day about the merits of their respec- tive section: “Com at last exclaimed the man from the south, “ you don’t really mean me to believe what you just told’ me? It's only a joke, isn’t it?” “T assure you, on my hon- or, that it is pure truth. | am not in the habit of telling ‘ whop- pers,’ and a lie has never passed my ps. “Oh, [can understand that!” replied the southerner, “since you speak through your nuse.” AN EASY WAY. “In the East river.” How's “ How do you get there?” “ Through the police court.” comicbooks.com