Judge — September 8, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE AN INVOCATION. * Roll on, thou deep and dark blue ocean, roll! And, rolling on, sweep up thy rug: Ked crests to isle of Coney. Hustie thy spear-like hail of sparkling spray And little flakes of foam-like beer in pony Far ashoreward. Let thy billows bow!! And why should 1 invoke thy aid, O Thy power to maul, engulf and spatter dewlative terrors ? ‘Tis thus: 1 want Orlando Hobbins washed away. “ double-plays" and “ errors,” buried in eternity ! 1 want his talk of “ base- And" Who got white-washed SIGNS OF PORTENT. Fan— Oh, Lil, when és your friend’s marriage coming off? her to have pit something els Lit—You won't have much longer to wait. She and Tom have quarreled every day for a week, and I believe that's the last stage of necessary preparation.” A HORRID MATHEMATICIAN. The head of a large dry-goods establishment has forbidden his sales- women to wear bustles. On being interviewed on the subject he explained his action as follow “Every woman wearing a bustle adjusts it at least five times a day. It takes her a minute cach time, and she thus loses five minutes a day. One hundred and twenty-five women will consequently lose six hundred and twenty-five minutes, which is over ten hours. These ten hours I have to pay for, and we are consequently out of pocket to that amount.” Do tell m her friends and let it be soon, so we shall hear about "ARMLESS ENOUGH. Crusty—" No, my bo} no use—I won't go with you. It’s leap year now, and I wouldn't trust myself to spend an evening with a woman now, even if she were a goddess!” Wiegins—" Eh? Not even the Venus of Milo?” A HEAVY BLOW. She was one of those splendid great creatures who believe in physical training for women, and she was fanning herself on the hotel piazza. ** Won't you come and sit down, Mr. Gorton ?” GETS THERE JUST THE SAME.- _ The catcher of the visiting team is a little bow-legged, but suffers no incon- venience on that accoun: by reason of the above ingenious device. “IN SWEET ACCORD.” The pastor had delivered a moving address on charity, and had faith- fully and repeatedly endeavored to impress on his hearers that without it we are but “ as sounding brass and tinkling cymbals.” After church the deacon remarked, “The collection is in accord with your sermon, sir “That's good! ‘Then it is bounteous. 1 thought those earnest words would open the purses as well as the hearts of our good people. But where is it?” he queried, as he peered into the contribution-box. “ Perhaps I should have said ‘in accord with the fetter’ of the sermon,” responded the deacon, as he sadly jingled a Canadian cent against a dime bangle, evidently broken loose. CLARISSA. She read in“ The Fashions" one early morn That French belles were wearing real ripe corn: So, not dreaming that barley and wheat and rye ‘Were what the French woman had in her eye, And not wishing to wait till the style grew old, She drove to the store where corn was sold, And, decking her bonnet and bosom with ears Of the ripe Indian corn, she astonished her peers For if Fashion said, Wear on your soft head a pail. The bucket Clarissa would don without fail. Such a martyr to style is this girl of the age, She'li not flinch (rom doing whatever's the rage. H.C. MUNGERFORD, AT THE THEATRE. Oldboy (to man who is standing up and obstruct- ing his view of the stage)—“Sit down, sir! You are not opaque.” Stranger—* No, sor; Oi'm O'Reilly.” NOTHING SHARP TO CUT WITH. Young father—Blamed if 1 know what's the matter with the baby, doc., but she cries all the time.” Doctor —" Perhaps she has been cutting her teeth.” Young father —" | don’t believe it, doc.; she ain't had a knife or anything sharp to play with since she Mr. Gortox—"'I'd like to exceedingly, but I can't get a step nearer to save my life.” was born.” comicbooks.com