Judge — August 25, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A CONSISTENT PROHIBITIONIST. EVEN when a very litle fellow he a good boy; he whined, and whenever he was hurt his parents knew that it was some- thing serious, because he wouldn't sham pain. At school the little bul- lies couldn't get him to fight—not that he was cowardly, oh, no! he only was averse to a punch, He was pious, but when he read the bible skipped the part where David used a sling, He never got his shoes mended, since he would have been obliged to employ a cobbler, and when some shares in a cotton mill were left him he wouldn't draw his dividends on account of the cotton having been through a gin, He was a proud man, haughty about his family and all ; but when he learned that an ancestor of his was killed the battle of Brandywine it would surprise you to see how quickly he gave that sort of thing up. At colle; nothing induced him to join with the class singing “Rum ste ho!” (I won't be responsible for the orth raphy), and after being graduated, though fond of high- s literature, never read the forum. He was always solemn because high spirits were offensive to him; and when a gentleman came courting ly insulted the man for no cause whatever except: that his name was ‘Treat. This peculiar gentleman went through the law school, but never prac- tied. Once, in the country, he was crossing a pasture lot, and a bull made for him, Said he, walking on composed and calm,“ What need have I to fear? [never take a horn.” ‘The bull didn’t stop to argue the point but went right on, and our friend had an accident which laid him up for awhile, When he got around again an acquaintance told him he was xetting stout. He was terribly indignant. verse to traveling, because he disliked to have his luggage 1 porter; and case he would mpelled to go into port—to say nothing of the helm being some- times that way, too, At last he fell ill, The doctor thought a voyage to Madeira would build him up, but, not daring to s: . prescribed a tonic, Consistent to the last, our friend flung the medicine out of the window, With his prin- ciples, how could he do otherwise? each meal He got to looking so miserable and wretched that people began asking What ailed him, His wife was especially pertinacious; so much so that our prohibitionist might have chastised her but for the fact that he was opposed to liquor. He is still living, mainly, | think, for a dread he has of the bier. was never no dog.” his sister he actu: Of course he had serious objections to being admitted to the bar, The tonic was to be drunk after NEWPORTIAN. Miss Breacher is giving little Mr. Duvey a Mr, Brune (as the steamer bears do Aine D. Dijiiile IT WAS THE NEW AUTOMATIC BUOY. on on him)—* Let th’ darn footsh whissble! 1 aiu't A GRAND FUTURE. Luk at the sthrut on the youngster, Moike !" Begobs, ef he kapes on loike that Oi'll make Mrs, Maginnis Mr. Maginnis polaceman of ‘im. EPITAPH FOR A VICTIM OF THE “MEMORY SYSTEM.” SACRED TO THE FORGETFULNESS OF OUR LITTLE ALBERTUS. park Put away his books of lists Never more his little fists Will wipe off the pensive tear, "Cause he can’t recall his text; He has And has found out A SINGULAR IDIOSYNCRACY. Reflection by a surgeon's assistant. “Masons seem built exactly the opposite of other people. na scaffold, and only die when they fall off.” They spend their lives A DECAYED GENTLEMAN. Mrs, Spriggins (to persistent “beggar)—" A week ago, Walker, i gave you a good pair of trousers, Why do you come to me again in the same old rags?” Walker (with dignityy—" The garment, madame, with which yor accommodated me was some three inches too short; so 1 have stored it with a pawnbroker. rgotten that a man’s attire should be well-fitting, however worn and threadbare. Poor as I am, 1 have not gentle. THE NECESSITY OF INTRODUCTIONS. De Smythe (at literary reception) —* Who is that taii, spectacled, bald headed gentleman yonder? 1 have been discussing the tariff with him, and he agreed with me that Blowitoff’s work on the subject was av stupid affair, Thompson He's Blowivoff.” “Tm sure he ought to know A CHRISTIAN DUTY. Of all the afflictions we suffer below (And they reach from Bathsheba to Dan), The worst is the wholesome advice we bestow Each man to his neat fellow man, “Tis, like other injuries borne while we live, To be met with the same Christian plan ; A striving with all of our heart to forgive, And forget it as soon as we can! oat MODERN PERPLEXITIES. Fricnd of the family —"V saw your manna the other day, pet, and she sent her dearest lov: Child—" Which one?” spin along the ocean drive. SMaLr RUT ENTHUSIASTIC ** Loazengers fer der kid, lady?" MERCHANT — Even a shoe can become too easy for com comicbooks.com