Judge — August 4, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE GO-AWAY. (MIRANDY'S SIDE.) My room is small an’ stuffy an’ the bed is lined with bricks ; I get into it at seven and get out of it at six : The mirror is so small I scarcely see to fix my hai An’ I prop the winder with a nail to get a littlea 1 think of father roamin’ through the airy rooms to hum, An’ it makes me kinder humsick—I wish I hadn't come! ‘The dew in the mornin’ 's ankle-deep upon the grass Till the hot sun of midday makes your inclinations pass ; « In the cool of the evenin’ ef you take a little air You'll find half a million hungry, thirsty skeeters there. I think of father rockin’ in the twilight there to hum, An’ it makes me awful humsick—1 wish I hadn't come! He drinks sars'parilla an’ I drink from the well ; He sees the daily papers, an’ there's nothin’ here to tell ; He's got the stores all handy here ain't a thing to buy, An’ the children on the rainy days they make me want to fly. When I Mink of father havin’ all thove luxuries to hum It makes me dret/uf humsick, and T wish I Hadn't comet FLOKENCE B. PRATT, A LITERARY OPINION. Miss Brewster (of Boston)—" What do you think of Tolsto, Miss Porker ?” Miss Porker (of Chicago)—" I have read Tolstoi with a great deal of interest. There is certainly a charming individuality about his writing. But | think that Rider Haggard can knock him silly.” BEST HOUSEKEEPING— THE IMPORTED STYLE. Cc JOKING in the imported style is a deep and mysterious act ; its weird BLUFFED OUT OF IT. vagueness needs only to be seen to be appreciated. One rule, only, MEMBER OF LOCAL RASE-BALL CLUU—" Kin you tell me what that load ‘r seems to be absolute. Nothing can be done twice alike. One spice is logs is fer, that come up on your train?” ‘ omnipresent—variety. CAVTAIN OF LEAGUE TEAM—" Them’s our bats. iD . . MEAMEK OF LOCAL CLUB—" Say, boss, we'll forfeit th’ game !"* The importer of summer styles of cooking delights in odd surprises and quaint conceits. Order the same dinner seven times in the week. true imported style, and the effect will be sure to be either good or bad, The result is every day a different one, The beefsteak the first time jf bag, itis the stove, or the butter that is to blame—never the cook, In regard to meats, vegetables, etc., after a few trials you will dis- 7 ot 3 cover how to cook them with the least amount of trouble, which is the { SOR men f ‘: great point to be gained, and the end to which the importer devotes all | BEEE zeare < ° her energies The style importer, however, is kindly willing to cook anything for us that does not take up too much of her valuable time, or involve too much labor and waste of her valuable “ stren'th.”. What more can we expect ? EVA LovETT cAnson OCULAR EVIDENCE. Pension commisstoner—"Nou say you were literally pierced with bullets, 1 don’t sce how it was possible for you to, survive the riddling. Have you any witness who can certify to the exact number of bullets that entered your body Applicant —" Yes, sir; after the battle the chest protector which I hac worn was in this terrible and convincing condition,” And he exhibited well-worn porous plaster amid excited silen The love of flowers no one e’er repents; A SUBSTANTIAL MEAL. Nature in flowers shows her common scents, EST (at Bowery café)—" Now then, waiter! Dish me up something that will stick to my ribs. turns out raw meat, the next a cinder; the third day it is flabby and soft, the fourth tough and tasteless. Will the importer tell you her secret? Ah, no! “Sure, I cooked it the same every time, mum! We watch her, and are impressed with a sense of her immense superiority to common mortals. Measurements? she has none. Labor saving devices? she scorns them. Egg-beaters, flour-sifters, and the like, she treats with contempt. Fingers were made before forks, and forks before egg-beaters. We give, however, a few faint ideas for the benefit of those who aim to follow her sublime act. Have a roaring fire and a red-hot top to the range, whether the amount of cooking to be done is large or small. If you are making cakes, pies, puddings, etc., toss your materials to- gether, guessing at the quantities as well as you can. The more off-hand your work, the nearer you will approach to the WatTkR (sfontancously)—* Double extra mucilage fer one, Jimmy !" comicbooks.com