Judge — August 4, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE KIND OF JUDGE A BIRD | AM. Oh, 1 am the poor little English bird Who came across, as you've doubtless heard, On a labor contract by which in terms 1 agreed to devour the measure worms At the special request of my Uncle Sam, For that's the kind of a bird 1 am. But T soon found out there was better meat ‘Than a lot of wriggling worms to eat. Now 1 don’t do a thing to earn my pay, But just the same Tam here io stay. My public office is a public sham, But that's the kind of @ bird Tam HOW SHE USED THE HIS LETTER, 188, My dearest : Long have I pondered on your ap- parent coolness, and at last I have at- tributed it to sweet maidenly coyness. Now to make the one supreme effort of my life, and put in words the question so long trembling on ny lips, but kept back by your unen- couraging glances. Never before has woman moved my inmost soul as docs your presence. No other tips have I ever longed to press with the sweet seal of ownership. Why do you not respond? Daily, . docs my fond heart cry out, I resolve oh, why? 1 can bear this suspense no longer. Ke mine; oh, be my only own, my very soul's life! Send me “ yes" for answer, by the messenger boy who takes you this, and this eve I fly to you on the snowy pin- ions of a deathless love. It must be “yes;" you dare not say ~ no,” for if I should see that cruel, cold, monosyllabic hope-slayer in your dear writing, that moment would I seize the deadly revolver, and with one well di- rected bullet put a period to my blighted existence 1 wait—I long—I hope—I will not llow myself to fear; it must be" yes.” Yours, yours, yours, eternally and entirely, K. ALGERNON LITEHEDDE, There wasn’t the room for us all, you know, So, of course, the Americans had to go. The people may pass their laws and swear And look for their robins everywhere. For the public IT never care a dam, And that’s the kind of a bird I am. FR. MOME SPARRO, “DEADLY PARALLEL.” HER ANSWER, Mr, K. A. Litehedde, SiR—I have before me the diary of our friend, Miss Muchsought, left in my care when she went abroad, to use at my discretion. Among the touching extracts from her many rejected lovers’ letters I find the following, which | have thoughtfully perused, with your letter of to-day be- fore me: 1888, 1887, No giel has ever thrilled my inmost heart as does yoursell. Never before have my lips longed to press those of woman in sign of ownership. Why do nat your sweet eyes meet mine in answering love? Daily does this question torture me. No longer can 1 endure such suspense. Be mine own, my only one, the life of my soul! May pot the boy messenger that takes you this bring me back a “yes? "In reply 1 will fy to you this eve on the tireless wings of snow ure love. Vou wil/ not write ™ no” for answer, when I behold that cold, cruel monosyilable in your beloved penmanship, on that instant the death dealing revolver should seck my heart, and une sure, swift bullet should end forever my hope: V Tong—1 wait—t will not fear, but hope: it shall be yes.” Eternally yours, and yours entirely Kussincine A, In reply 1 will say that while ju- dicious quotations render a literary style attractive, a surfeit of them is apt to make one’s efforts monotonous, You would undoubtedly score a brilliant success as a professional plagi- arist, but as 1am not writing a popular novel | have no use for you, and remain yours not at all, CONSTANCE BRIGHTLEIGH, SAVE US FROM OUR FRIENDS. A SUMMER COMEDY, Scene 1—Fifth avenue, 100 degrees in the shade. Baboony—"Aw, deah boy, this is quite a surprise. Thought you were at Newport ?" Grafton—“Oh, | just came back to attend to a little business at my and you?" Baboony- ye know.” Aw, I'm on a flying twip fwom Sawatoga. Weturn to-night, Scene I]—(Enter to them Wiggins, mutual friend, mopping his forehead orously.) * Well, well, boys! this is the first time T have seen you two together a month! Just come with me and € a trip to Coney island thi afternoon, and e'Il try to forget the stuffy back rooms we've been living in this summer.” | Zad/eau. AMATRUK there, Awthur. Farmer Genie (soho has been taking his neoning)— A WESTCHESTER EPISODE. ARCHER — "Take a shot at that ol ‘Two to one you can't hit the centre. T'll teach you dudes ter spile th’ only hayin’ hat I've got AMATEUR cool down !" ARCHER—"* Stand. perfectly mill-stone over Ili, there! my boy, and he'll comicbooks.com