Judge — June 2, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 121 ‘This morn, when the fair encampment woke, Bring wreaths from the wildwood shadows deep, Each flower bent low its tiny head Fresh gifts from the upland’s sunny ways ; In grave silute; for the elfia note For they guard the Whispered of those Whom in calm repose We honor as the nation’s dead. es where soldiers sleep, In sun and storm, Evening and ‘Through ail the summer days. And beneath the towers’ fair repose, In their fragrant hearts they are glad to-day That the southern lily, the northern rose Will mingle their bloom To brighten the tomb, Alike of the blue and the gray New Vork, May yo, 1888, MILLS WARREM, ASS in the meadows, o'er hillside and glen, ‘The sweet wild flowers like an army stand ; And they seem to listen, these minute men, As they sway in the breeze "Neath the waving trees, To a bugle, blown in fairyland. SWEET CHARITY. Ci.UB MANNERS. aga Good club friends. Tramp (to western farmer) —" Please, mister, can’t y" help a poor feller to get out 0" the county ? Farmer (kindly) —* Yes: 1 reckon I can lend ye a halter, if you'll prom- ise not to hang yerself on this farm,” —_— A DESPERATE CASE REQUIRES A DESPERATE THE ARMY OH! REMEDY. Dr. Humpeth—' You took one of those pills I left?” Patient—" V made a mistake and took tw Dr. H.—" Two of those pills at once! Good heavens! How could you be so careless ? “Tsay, B., shall you be going to Brown's wedding to-morrow 2” “Wedding? No; hang him! If it were his funeral 1 might think about it.” Mr. Taxpayer (to U.S. officer)—* Captain, it is the impression among the people that the army absorbs a good deal of whisky, and that there were thirteen thousand two hundred and Patient (beginning to look sick)—" 1-1 don’t know. W-What were they sixty-three* court made of " martials during a Dr tt aused principally by this absorption. If PARADISE. this is so, how can you account for the statement that ‘the discipline of Medicated bread-crumbs—half a grain of salt to an ounce of crumbs. Someone fetch a stomach-pump. qui Joy for a simple apple xiven! In place of this dull life we're In Eden bowers we'd now recline, Vet, had the grape as test been given the army is excel- To tempt thee, Adam, lent?" How then? You'd still have lost you heaven, Captain (ar- And Eden's garden been no more rogantly) —" Tut, tut, Mr, Taxpayer! the army is in ex- cellent condition ; and we do not al- low whis! to pour over the epiglottis like a cataract, although we do sometimes getdry—nigh unto TOO RAW. Brown, who is a bit of a braggart, was once out hunting in the Rockies with a friend whom he wished to. impress with the idea that he (Brown) was a second Nimrod. “ Now,” went on the mighty hunter, “how Ido like bear's meat, broiled — not too. well done, you know.” Just then a turn in the road brought them in sight of a magnifi- cent grizzly seat- ed on a rock, “Oh! that not my style, shouted poor ‘The saying is, "The good die young.” Brown, taking to Now, I've been always good and steady, his heels; “he's And yet I'm sure I can't die young— Because I am $0 old already. eeueHw LOEK. a drouth—which The wind having died out, the boys take a pleasant nap on a CAUSES an absorb- Sraly island ing case, The other day I had my battery whitewashing the barracks, and in order to improve the w wash | had four gallons of whisky poured secretly into it. A big day’s work was accomplished ; but late in the evening it was noised around that h was ‘ boosed,’ and by reveille the next morning the soldiers whitewash all licked off of the barracks.” Jr. Taxpayer (sarcastically)—* Captain, don’t. you think that if the Indians were covered with *boosed ' whitewash the army would then * Sec. War Re., ‘84. not well enough cooked !" NO DOUBT OF IT. school. Where spoon- Teacher —* Supposing that eight of you should together have 48 apples, ing is bliss ‘tis whes, 56 plums and 16 melons, what would each of you have?” folly to get_mar- 5 ‘They wake up at flood-tide and see their boat floating out to /upils (in chorus)—" The stomach-ache.” ried. sea in a gentle breeze. comicbooks.com