Judge, 1888-05-26 · page 5 of 16
Judge — May 26, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of late 19th-century American humor: **"Tommy"** is a dialect poem celebrating a tomboy girl named Thomas Jefferson, raised in Kentucky. The satire mocks sentimental Victorian femininity by praising a girl who breaks colts, rides dangerous horses, and runs away—behavior considered scandalous for her era. The father's pride ("It takes Kentucky fer ter raise / Upgels thet hev sech sprightly ways") ironically inverts conventional expectations about female propriety. **"A Domestic Tragedy"** satirizes prudish Victorian attitudes about female modesty, where a husband discovers his wife has borne a child—the implication being she's seen naked, violating decorum. **"On the Avenue"** jokes about divorce and remarriage among the wealthy, with "Mrs. Seconds" (a woman remarried) coldly introducing her new husband before leaving. Other brief pieces mock baseball, honeymoon expectations, and urban pretension. The illustrations show typical Victorian street scenes and domestic scenarios that accentuate the absurdity of the social conventions being lampooned.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TOMMY. HE wuz the cutes'leetle one Ye ever sot yer eye upun; An’ we-all jedged no gel-folks’ name “Ud do fer her, an’ thet’s how came We call't her Thomas Jefferson ! The boy-name ‘peared ter make her thrive; She wuzn't more'n four er five "Fore she cud skin up any tree An’ hang head downwuds, untel we Erlowed she'd not come down erlive. She bruk a colt w'en she wuz nine, Withouten ary so’t 0" line ; An’ rid a hoss thet kilt two men Wren she wuz risin’ onter ten— Agin her maw’s comman’s an’ mine. She wouldn't fade no boss'n! ef We talked at her, we was'ed breaf; ‘She'd sass us back right sperited, An’ weall never got ahead O* her, ye better tell yerse"f! An’ beaux !—w’'en she wuz fifteen year, Two of ‘em fit a jewel hyere In Breathitt on ercount 0° her! She hed her pranks an’ liked ter stir Folks up, an’ see “em rant an’ tear. She run erway ter Aberdeen W'en she wuz nigh-erbout sizteen, Wath Bud Delow, an’ tuk my gun ot me, ef I ‘lowed ter run her back "om Gretny Green! An’ then I felt so tarnal proud, I said ter maw thet T erlowed Tt takes Kentucky fer ter raise Upgels thet hev sech sprightly ways Ex thet thar Tom 0° ourn showed ! EVA WILDER MCGLASON. HAD TO HAVE PROTECTION. He had been explaining to her why the base-ball catcher wore a ma! “Does the umpire wear one to protect him from the ball, too? asked. “No; from the mob,” HE WAS SATISFIED. A young married couple. “You don't mean to say, darling Alice, that you would take up our entire honeymoon with this trip?” “Certainly not; Sew York, especially in the spring.”* “ Well, then, dearest, I'll go alone.” 1 adore You ask me, with an anxious brow, “Ab! will you love me then as now?" Let not in your fond heart appear A doubt, to cause you fear or tear. T do not love you now, so vow, Of course, I'll love you then as now, Drar op Aust Seconds! believe Harnier (who is always doing something wrong)—" Why, my dear Mrs T haven't seen you for an age. And how your little boy has grown! I can hardly AIRING HIS LEARNING. “No, sah, T don’ wan’ no round trip ticket ; you think I got time to tek a circular ride over de country?” MORE THAN ONE ESCAPED. Thimblewit— Vaas, Gagley, 1 know they're baggy, but where on this side of heaven can one escape the infliction?” “ You might emigrate and join a Highland regiment.” Gagl Some deem it quite an honor just to be One of the “first settlers" in the town: ‘The best first settler, though, it seems to me, Is he that pays cash down. A DOMESTIC TRAGEDY. “Mrs, C—.” said Anthony, * it will be necessa retain that divorce coupon. I never would have bel could commit such an impropriety—never.” “Good heavens! What do you mean? What have I done?" “Madam! Gaze upon this babe! He has come into the world as nude as the scandalous Venus of Milo in her native gallery. y for me to cut off and ved that a wife of mine ON THE AVENUE. Mas, Srconps (that was—/reezingly)—" Mrs. Culbertson, permit me to introduce my hus band, Mr. Cuddly. Charming day, isn't 1? Good-bye!" comicbooks.com