Judge — May 12, 1888 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE CUPID'S NEW WEAPONS. MET a little, dimpled boy, With tears upon his cl He looked 80 very lone I thus to him did «peak: 4 sad, “Who are you, dear! "Where are your bow an couldn't use “em, 80 To throw ‘em in the rive You couldn't use thems" * he sobbed: “With * Culture * Pm confronted At every tin; and maidens’ hearts My arrows all have blunted “1 blind their eyes with gold dust now, And shoot hearts with revolvers— ‘That's * Progress;’ and I always have This bunch of quick disolvers* Upon his back I saw AL the reason why ve spelled the new way aid he. ARISTINE ANDERSON. “have to give each couple one Ere they'll take Hymen’s fetters.” En Volapuk, SUCH IS FAME. First Londoner—** Who's the man wot's talkin’ so loud at the rend of the hall?” Second Londoner -* Pr First Londoner—* 1 say oth when does the fight commence?” THE DIAMOND EDITION DREADFUL TACKLES GEOGRAPHY. AR me out, but our new teacher's a holy terror, an’ he sez we've gotter all hump into g'ography an’ J don’t like it. Now, what sorter use is it for me to know whether the meredian crosses the Tropic o' Coppercorn or whether the gulf stream monkeys with the Isle o° Wight? That hain’t no square d an’ ‘sides that it mi me up on se-ball rules and fish- Cris. Cer- lumbus got there with both feet, ‘cordin’ tothem raphy books; but it don’t say nuthin’ “bout the ball king, ner any in-rink, ner what's the best. brand rettes, That new sez we oughter be able to bound ev'ry state in the Unicorn : feller's tryin’ to bound Dako over aawnin’ front of a drug-store. an’ name the princerpal rivers an’ trib'teries o° thesame. Now, what's that got to do with ketchin’ fish, I'd like to know? What's the use ©” wadin’ through the African au’ the Ker: kashun race and foolin’ with Konstanternoble when a feller don't know whethersmashed grubs or grasshoppers is the best fer ketchin’ eels? I'ma goin’ to get up a meetin’ an’ boycott this gography biz an’ settle the new teacher down to his little biz, n, or my name hain't: Johnny ws KELL fellers what writ the g'c Barnum, ner Kell when he e: y He sez we must raise our minds jess Jones. E PLURIBUS UNUM. Virtues that other maids dis Y. you So ever deem my love can stray— It is Ro easy to be true. be style, but it's merciful hard on a man when he's hungry." HIS OPINION. Uxcur Exiswa (1cho has been coached aa to eating corn from the ear, aut has reached for a nut-picker)—" This may Cracren—" Be Pavuxe [xa. was pluin he moseyed. SHE WANTED TO SEE IT. “Haven't you got any more figgers in marble?” asked old Maw Bentley of the attendant at the Museum of Art. * No, mum; these are all, Is there any one y ant to see the statue of limitations I've heard John about.” ¢ lookin “Ye talk so mu FORTUNATE. Brown soliloquises—“* Every time I go out in the rain I'm sureto lose my umbrella, How lu T never take but one!” CURIOUS. Abusing all women, Fred vowed ne'er to marry, e to miscarry in the said Maud, “that is true, For his father, you know, was a celibate, too!" A BUSINESS TRANSACTION. Avoirdupois—* Did you read in the morning Herald about the lynching of that man out in Wyoming territory for selling a couple of horses?” Fahrenheit >. transaction like that Avoirdupoix— How could they string him up for a busines Well, I believe the horses didn't: Lelong to him.” A NATURAL INFERENCE. What do you think of B.’s business standing? Has he any eredit?” * Don’t think so.” “Why not?” “Why not? Why, I saw him buy a handsome necklace at a jeweler's the other day, and what do you think ** Paid cash for it!” IN TEARS. You weep, dear maid, and well T kno That I shoul! In tears you bok 90 lovely tho Pm half flow THE LESSER EVIL. Bobley—" Sad thing this, «cbout poor Putaneall; driven t suici¢ troubles.” Wiggins — * Yes but it was his only refuge from something worse,” Bobley- could be? Wiggins" Can da.” ve to soothe ives! to bet them Worse- wha comicbooks.com