Judge — May 5, 1888 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 53 JUDGE'S PHOTOGRAPHS. | THE In the sentimental POMPOUS MAN, CLERGY- sombreness that per- meates the aisles, he re- s all his features in ing smiles. The clerical arrangement of his hair is not divine, but the glitter of hiseye-balls is particularly fine. A broad, expansive hand- kerchief is lei: Sympathetic girls and women sniffle in upholstered pews as he tells how certain heathen haven't any rubber shoes but run around in cos- tumes most indelicately crude, although sensibly constructed for a south- ern latitude. All the mothers nudge their daughters, all the daugh- ters roll their eyes if he quotes Hebraic. scholars or begins to moralize. Loving parents like to have him pat theirchildren on the head, though they say that all good little boys were long ago in bed. And when- ever he is tired or disgusted with his cook he can saunter round to see just how his neighbors’ tables look. Despite his nightly dabblings in the language of the Greek his cheeks are round and jolly and emphatically sleek; for he loves to see a turkey swimming pompously around in a platter full of gravy, nicely stuffed and richly browned. Long years ago at college he was noted for his ig Statements with a loud and boistrous “dim” and yet in college chronicles one hears about the night he thrashed a cireus tumbler who was “aching” for a fight. It may be he's quite forgotten how he'd saunter out of town to a modest, cosy 4 sloping stretch of down, where another party wandered ed cotton print, with a pair of lips as rosy as the reddest. rose’s tint, When he weds, the female portion of his outraged mission-band will secure his prompt removal to a missionary land, where the canni- tals will twist his spinal column ina knot and stew him in a jiffy in a boiling iron pot. DEWITT sTeRnY. Phopooranters: CARRYING MATTERS TO AN EXTREME. “Modest?” exclaimed a sarcastic old bachelor. ** Yes, the girls are so modest now-a-days that they take great pains nobody shall find it out.” HER HEART AND ART STILL TRUE. First Boston maiden—"' Is that your new gown? Why! what did you have ashen gray satin for, I'd like to know?” Second ditto—" This was made especially for the reception I shall ‘THE SEIDLITZ POWDER. give for Mr. Sullivan. his late slight defeat. of defeat, you see.” First Boston maiden—“ Aud all these embroidered forget-me- nots?’ Why, that’s a frightfully old-fashioned flower, dear.” Second ditto—"* Have you no etic se of harmony? The language of this little blossom will soothe hi: itive soul, and the color will show him I am still his true-blue admirer, and ready, as ever, to back him for the champion knight of fists. He'll understand.” My gown is a delicate token of my regret at I have adapted the shade exactly to the degree THE PROGRESS OF AN IDEA. Detsoate McGrRK—" Oi have called, mum, to tell yez that the Housemaid's Union for: bid yer to employ scab labor, Wid me own eyes Ol have ser yer daughters at work round de house, an’ dis thing musht xhtop!” A BRAVE REPLY. n requested to inform you that unless the the city by its presence in the harbor Morocco officer—" Enterprise desists in men all open fire on he Jnited States naval officer—** Blaze a sir; but remember one thing—we shall leave the ship fifteen minutes before firing commences. T have always wanted to watch a naval engagement from the shore.” NOT FOR FIGHTING PURPOSES. “What would you do if a vessel should suddenly open fire on you at sea?” was asked of the commander of one of Secretary Whit- "s boats, “Turn about and ran,” was the reply. “What! wouldn't you return the fire?” “Return the fire? ! You must have an idea that the United States navy is for fighting purposes.” HE HAD MET HER. I say, Cholly, wondaw why Miss Gid such awfully long gowns, you know?” Bobley — “So as to give her neck room, I guess. Ever meet her in the evening?” A COLD CHEEK. Bobley—* Aw, Cholly, that’s a terrible cold you've Grafton—"* Aw wears aisted AS a got.” Grafton ~“*Yetz, de’ bo T called on Miss Tenseasons lawst night, a’d-chew! hat- chew! she laid her cheek od my bosob, a’d-- pwoposed !" DIRECT TESTIMONY. It wa: se of trespass, Lawyer—" Now, sir, in Witness: No, sir; it was an ordinary key.” comicbooks.com