Judge — May 5, 1888 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE. Wife Gvho has been driven nearly frantic by a habit of her husba “John, I read to-day about whose said ‘Ts Husband (surprised) — “1 want te know RESIGNED. Brown was taken suddenly a serious one,” rdict on being tell me the truth: Ta ve; I can bear it. What cemetery would you recommend 2” THE SPIRIT OF THE TIMES. Old Griggs — * Jack, vou Lt why didn’t youchop that wood? I'm going to th you within an inch of your life. dack—" Hold on a minute, father. Don’t you think it’s better to settle differences peacefully than tw strike?” hilp me she'd lost me befor sbie did ** WHY | AM A HUMOROUS WRITER. (Written for the Fuvonns, but paid for by His paper.) It being now decidedly fashionable to describe in broad type, and at so much it page, why certain people are heathen, puritans, and Catholics, I want to. and tell why [am a humorist, before the independent gentleman on the corner tells why he is a bootblack, or be- fore the boarding-house keeper tells why he's a mill At the outset of my career I stum- bled across a bunco man who fleeced me of every dollar I bad. That was = a good joke. It was so funny that I indulged in tears of laughter at once. Some time after I was trying to hatch what seemed to be an im- possible accomplishment, a new joke, when I ran across a good one for my purpose, [appropriated it, and no one discovered Hen sew rootmax (after the carriage haa startel)—" Beggin’ yure perdin, eddy: ay th’ duchess av Clanteagh, Oi war lasht wid, had med me rid wid wan fut an th’ i an’ the other wan thrailin’ behoind, an’ me two hands a shlippin’ aff th’ top 0° th' coach, 5 51 the pardonable deception. Who knows where the fellow I got it from stole the joke? I have been an original humorous writer ever since, Thave never had the means wherewith to indulge my fancy for books. But in some incom- prehensible way (my father is pawnbroker) become pe sessed of Burton's ** Anatom Melancholy,” and Zimmermann’s ** Meber die Einsamkeit.” Moral: Tam a humorous writer. (Note: I now and then come across a copy of the Undertaker's Journal and the New York Evening Post.) Though there is no account: ing for beliefs and tastes, I am fond of Bob Ingersoll, Ben Butler, Henry George, green apples and quinine, and so naturally Tam a man of a humorous turn of mind. I live in one of a row of houses whose fences support a long line of distinguished cats. Across the way a young lady sup ports an ancient line of sentimental ballads. Above and below me all the livelong day I listen toa professional pianist and an unpro- fessional cornetist. You ask me why Tam a funny man! Finally, Tam cross-eyed, bow-legged, pock-pitted, red-haired, and purblind, and if that is not funny I do not know what is. RATAN M. LEVY. SLIGHTLY MIXED. Effie—"1 thing you were awfully mean, mamma, not to send up some plums and ec’ when you know how IT love them!” rtaining some friends at luncheon)— * Plums and eclairs, child!) What do you mean?” Effie—* I asked Rosine how the lunch was going off and she said ‘with great plums and eclai After a moment's thought mamma evolves from her inner con- sciousness the idea that Rosine must have said aplomb and eclat. A BALM TO HIS CONSCIENCE. Rev. Mr. Hirsute—“ The very hairs of your head are numbered, Mr. Scantilocks.” Mr. Scantilocks—“‘ Well, it comforts me to think how little trouble I give the recording angel latterly.” GREAT EXPECTATIONS. HLATION seis ithe artiaty—" tter from the publishers! No doubt my drawing bas Med” He tear ercously and reals) DEPRESSION. * Please send ten cents in stamps ty pay return postage on your drawing.” comicbooks.com