Judge — April 28, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE IN —— er? > ae /| (Us She is a sprightly little dame and cross upon occasion, But theu she frank and open Is, and yields upon persuasion, She bas a jolly, pretty face, and sometimes sbe admires it: But abe will sacrifice her looks if any need requires it Her hands are small, and I confess they are ‘ino:t always lazy; But they will press a poor man's palm so warm bi eyes get hazy. Her fingers, white and slender, do just nothing for a living, But spend ber money in a stream, one half of which is giving. — Her voice can rise both loud and high in argument on reason; But never breathes in gossip’s cause one wont of female treason. She is so proud she will not wear a thing that's not in fashion; But to inferiors is so kind to serve her is their passion. If anyone speaks ill of man or woman in her bearing, A satire from her ready tongue will cure them quite of sneering. Her temper rises if sbe sees or hears of unjust doing; But if she be unjust bervelf sbe soon is pardon sueing. Sbe is exacting in her love and very strict in honor, And T must say this sense of right sits very well upon her. So true ber soul is and so pure, at times sbe seems not human; But, thank the stars! ber little faults proclaim ber still a woman. L love her? Yes! with all my beart. I mean to try and win her, But know Tam not worthy such a saint-like little sinner. oo ee 8 Ah, bere she comes! “Pray read, dear heart, the fancies of your poet." ‘She reads, approves, and, smiling, signa her name by mine 39 FOURTH WARD PHILOSOPHY Crooks work fer er livin’. Well, so do bible-bangers fer dat matter. A watch in yer hand (when it don’t jes’ happen ter belong ter yer) is worth two stretches up to Sing twice. Er man wot writes too many letters is bound ter git ink on his feelers wot he can't scrub off pretty easy. When yer seeer sleeper in de park don’t wait till he snores afore yer collar his clock and leather, Snores ain't good fer some men, When er feller smiles at yer ‘n keeps it up, jes’ s ound ‘n look behind his back. It’s dol- lars ter doughnuts dat he’s got er sticker or er gun waitin’ fer yer. Yer hey got ter turn up yer toes ’n croak sometime, so wot's de dif. wheder y it wid er sand-bag, which is nice 'n easy like, er wheth r go off in er poor-house? Don’t tink er feller’s tellin’ ye de dead troot jes’ case he talks sweet ‘n has er smooth mug. Confidence men an’ some wom hi oft mugs 'n dey're both sw warblers, but when dey goes gun. nin’ dey brings down de game. below itt CORA LINN DANIELS. Er yaller clock ain't gold. Dey sometimes washes’s ver supers ter make ‘em look toney. It’s de same wid er cheap dude. He's snide on de inside, but when yer sees him er sailin’ up de ave. wid his wings wi open, ‘n er Happin’, he looks like er chromo wid er gilt frame. DIDN'T CATCH THAT BOY. Gentleman—*1 suppose you make as many trips up as down ONE CONSOLATION. during the day, don’t you, sonn; “Sad affair, this,” said Wiggins, looking up from his paper— New elevator boy—“ Yes, sir; in the mornings when the people “a miner blown to atoms by dynamite; not a trace of him left.” are going to work all the trips is up, and when they close up in the “Sad indeed,” returned Bobley. ‘But his family will have one afternoons all the trips is down.” consolation at least. They won't have to pay a hun- dred dollars for a fifteen-dollar coffin.” ONE THING LACKING. “If it wasn’t for one thing, John,” said she, as they sat down to their frugal dinner, ‘I could have made some nice oyster soup.” “Indeed! What was that?” “T didn’t have anything towards it but the salt,” GAMBRINUS VS. THE CHURCH. Parson Starvem—* Brother Bobley, I'm grieved you coming out of a beer-garden so soon after g chureh. Bobley—"* Well, fact is, I felt. uncommonly hungry after the strawberry sociable; and they have a jolly good lunch in here.” ART IS LONG-LIFE SHORT. A customer has been over half an hour in the hands of an awkward barber. “Look here, my good fellow, you have parted my hair ten times, and haven't got it straight yet.” Barber (with great dignity)—‘To criticise is casy; to part hair difficult.” ‘A TERRIERABLE RECEPTION. Mr. Rocksay (appearing at windine)—" 1 took the liberty of coming around this way and surprising you, Miss Dorothy.” Mis Doeutny—" How ingenious of you! Now Jet me see you jump in without touching your paw—er— Fido always does.” In winter doth the plumber plumb; In summer is the iceman known. At all times doth the bummer bum; Like death, all seasons are his own. comicbooks.com