Judge — April 21, 1888 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SUDGE HIS OBJECTIONS TO LIFE IN THE WEST. He was standing in the sminsbing, clothed, or rather covered, w ety of patches, a quarter, the first impet tus, he ine, in the direction of dinner that he had received for weeks. Meantime, while getting uy enough to proceed in the above direction, he favored me with his views on life in the west. “Twas there—let me see—wal, fer three y na half, but—I couldn't stand it, Noman could thet’s bin used to the comforts we hey here. Oh, it's well enough; it's a growin’ place, an’ it ‘IL be somethin’, by“n-bye. But now, fer instenz, now here—sech a thing as close, fer instenz! A man can't get a decent suit of close, not to fit him ‘n look as they'd ought to look, out there. They ain't got the style nor they ain't got the material. I tell you, you put on a suit of —the best they kin give you, an'—well—you'll just want to walk away from yourselfaround the corner; it’s amazin’ to see the stuff they'll wear. Oh, it ain't a bad place in some respects—but close? They don't know what close means A DARK NIGHT. out west.” Mr. Waswixotox, No. 3001 (on a mission of love)—" 1 pertend t' say dat a man dat Il And then he turned the least ragged part of his hat-brim to the — “7? # dws shad dean’ git yer no warnin’ orter be proweuted. G'way dar! front, tore off a dependent tatter or two from his sleeve, re-tied the piece 7 ~ of twine that held his coat together, and moved thoughtfully on his ve were married you used to tell me I'd be your little partner in way. ness. ° - — Exasperating husband—"*So youare, my dear; so you are! While DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW. I'm out collecting rents you're here mending tears. Same thing, you Wife of real-estate agent (weary of patching the children's kno} rthes)—""I tell you, Arthur, I have a soul above this drudgery. Be- MADELINE 8, HRIDORA. SHAKESPEAREAN EVOLUTION. “Why are witches always pictured with beards on?” she asked. y dear? They are not,” he replied, to’yain time. are th 2 Why are they in peare?” My love (this time confidentially), you must know that in Shakespeare's time the human ina state of prehistoric undevelopment. The b was not entirely dropped by the fairs developed sufficient chin to supply the ni warmth caused by its absence.” Then he lightly blew her a kiss, and softly closed the door between them OLD CHOCOLATE’S TARGET PRACTICE. Some men want mo’ en agun toe make um bi Yo" mus’ stay in de mabkit all de time toe ¢ bahgains. De easies’ man toe cheat am de one dat Vinks yo" can't do hit. Hit mus’ rain mighty hahd toe seare a woman wid a new gown. Many a man dat am hones’ w'en he ‘m alone ud be a knave wid knaves. Yo! may Iaik toe darnse, but yo" doan’ wantoe heah a fiddle all de ti De lucky huntah ud hab yo" beleeb dot he dun kill de las’ possum in de woods. Yo" may ery dis mawnin’ obah anoddah's trub- bles, but yo" ull sleep tonight. doan’ de auctioneah an‘ de pol'tician go into some oddah business? De fluctuation ob de mem'ry am ‘stonishin’. Ef yo’ owe a dollah, anoddah man’ mus’ put yo! in min’ ob hit; whrreas ef ad am comin’ toe y min’ nebbah needs joggin’. Wren Sambo gits caught de wrong side ob de fence, hit am a good ahgument dat a man awt not toe tink mo’ ob chicken en hedo ob hisse’f. Deman dat allus takes chances am laikly toe be took by chance. 4. A. WALDRON, The man who has worked himself up in this world is always the hardest on those beneath him. comicbooks.com