Judge — April 14, 1888 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oLD CHOCOLATE'S TARGET PRACTICE. ‘A-many eat fish dat neb- bah cotclied one. Gib me de niggah dat wistles «z he wucks. t » nebbah shows all de wrinkles ob age. Educatin’ a fool am laik gastin’ good paint on a pig- a. " De mos’ pious deekin ull tink wicked tings wen he bahks his shins. A fawehune-tellah kin doa good business ef he hits de truf ah. De lazy man allus wants, toe hoe in his gahden w'en hitam snowed undah, make bettah week ob wah en kin Yo' kin take meat fom a butel eas 4 * kin a bone fom a beg 3 dentis' didn’ say he wudn’ huht yo’, yo’ wudn’ leff um draw , Milly Wren Sambo lubs Dinah, he ‘ud kiss huh cat an’ at de same time chuck a boot at anybody else’ De man dat bas de po'es' side ob de ahgument allus talks de joudes’; jis’ ez de mule kicks de mos’ desperate dat has de leas’ cause De little tings dat kin be helped worry us mo’ en de big tings dat can't be mended. Yo" ull fret mo’ obah a burr in yo’ breeches en yo" ill obah a boil on yo' neck. J. A, WALDRON. BUZZ-SAWS. A poor pencil, like a dull boy, is hard to sharpen. A fine epitaph won't help a man in the next world. The moth always looks on the bright side of things. A haughty carriage is often a mighty inconvenient vehicle. The man who is always afraid he is going to get left never gets there. The postage-stamps that won't stick ona letter will stick together hard enough when carried around in the pocket. It is no use to put on the brake when the wagon is upset. T nary never sings his best when you are trying to sell an is anxious to s the worst of the The hunter who throws the turtle over on his back may be sid todo him a bad turn, The man who tempted for- tune and vot left is apt to believe that fortune tempted him. There is apt to be a dispute when you don’t make your bar- gain until the work is done. HOW HE MADE HIS FORTUNE. Fifth-avenue wife —* Her- bert, who isthe man that has just Purchased the next house?” Fifti-avenue husband—*" & Pervenu, my dear. He owned vel during the last wife on the stair-way). Proresson S. Brioas—* What's my club—been readin’, What's Bacon says| much, m‘dear."" THOSE SWEET CHILDISH QUESTIONS. Ik your little dog flerce, Mr. Guppy?” What did he bite off AN APT QUOTATION. ‘The professor (who has been out with a few cronies, is met at 2 a.m. by bis horrorstricken Wire (elevating candlestick}—"Sophocles Brigscs, what does this ine dear, *Readin’ makes full man’—(hic) been readin’ 3 THE DIAMOND EDITION DREAD- FUL SLAYS INDIANS. For some time I've had my flesh all pucker up into goose-pimples perusin’ the excitin’ times the poor set- tlers on the fronteer has had with them red minyunsof the an’ knoe spots off them blood-thirsty demons in war paint an’ murderus des I was bound to go ucker the pale-faced maiden whose half brother had been sent to th huntin’ ground with a fur a breast-pin. Now, it takes sand to go an’ face them relentless redsk their nefarious burnin’ stake an’ runnin’ the But I started out on th path, pale but gritty. Isorter reconoitered down the back ally till I struck the ferry an’ crossed over into New Jersey. Then I jist humped myself lookin’ for redskins. It must have been a cold day for ‘em, for I didn’t see none, nor any signs; not even the spiral smoke risin’ from a raw-hide wigwa ventured to ask a storekeeper if there wus any Injuns in them parts, He wus a nice man an’ showed me right aw where I could find one. It wus off the main trail in a sorter fastness of little streets. There sot a Injun sure as you live. His back turned. Now wus my chance to avenge the poor whi den an’ win fame. I sneaked up behind him an’ drove my glitterin’ utchet into—a cigar-sign. Pa come over the next day an’ paid for the spoilt Injun an’ took me out of jail. I hain’t ben on the warpath since. 1. 8, ELLEN. Te as a lamb,” joustache for, then?" BEGINNING AT THE LOWEST ROUND. In the office of the manager of a theatre. “Have you ever appeared?” asked the latter of a candidate for histrionie honor “T should say so; at the Bowery, in ‘Ten Nights in a Bar-room, or The Drunkard’s Last Draught.’” “And you played”— (Proudly) “The dog, and barked in ie wings.” CONCENTRATED WISDOM. Found in an album. “Tt is with consciences as with stomachs—some throw off offensive matter more readily than others.” “ Life is lik broken as soon smoke wel pipe—it gets it begins to NEMESIS. Higgins—* Sad thing this, about poor Gagley. Choked him: self in a restaurant, y’ know, with a piece of pie.” Wiggins—" Dweadful!” Higs Just as he was ading one of his own jokes about the Chicago girl and the pie-knife.” HE SHOWED HIS BLOOD. Bobley——** Who's that dried- up little fellow yonder?” Wiggins — “ Why, that’s Tord Shemjaphet. He can trace his family back to the con- queror.” Bobley--'No further? From his looks I'd fancy he could carry it back to the baboons.” sar, don't ax* me—been (hic) Readin® comicbooks.com