Judge — December 1887 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

18 PRESENTS THAT JUDGE WOULD LIKE TO SEE MADE THIS YEAR. A new set of books to Henry S. Ives. A copy of Shakespeare to Ignatius Donnelly. A popular subscription to Jay Gould, Monuments to the memory of the great men for whose memorials money is now being raised. A ball and chain to any boodle alderman, A long lease of life to the oldest inhabitant A piece of Turkey to Russia A copy of ‘The Complete Letter Writer” to Grover Cleveland. A few ideas to the national Congress. One of the guns that aren't loaded to the newspaper ex- change bore. Christmas comes high, but we must h it. Proverb—The longest stock- ing must have an end. Song of Trinity—Hard chimes come again some more. Grover got about 140 pounds in his stocking. The meanest present—The Christmas sack that Jane gave John. For Christmas poets—De lays are dangerous. Diamonds as Christmas pres ents have seen their day—and come again. We wanted to remember Queen Victoria, but she said she wanted the world. The lonesom- est stocking— The one that has no chubby foot to go in it. The best Christmas shoot —The one that shoots the corner rery. We never know what a mince pie is made of until the nextday * Santa Claus sometimes ties a knot in the big CHRISTMAS JUDGE THANKFUL FOR SMALL FAVORS. VAN ScHAIck (of Rhinedeck-on-Hudson, four miles over the ice by a foul sheet ucky for me the river's froze! I might have got wet otherwise.” o has just been drageed To the wild bells—Now be- gin to ring. Pity the small boy wno gets only the usual hole in his stocking. The anarchist's Christmas may come in the sweet bomb- bye. Argumentative—There is no raisin in the cheap Christmas pudding. On Christmas day this Jef- fersonian administration insists on pie at every meal. Christmas _ morning hild has a right to rise at 3 o'clock. On Christmes day punish no child. Beat nothing but the drum. Now the skeleton in the Christmas closet is that of the Christmas bird. Pride and the price of turkey must have a fall. The Czar fears his presents are going to be shot at him. Good will to all men and most of the women. Do not forget the poor young widow over the way. The Christmas dinner needs many plates. Send out into the high-ways and by-ways. Where there’s a Christmas will there’s a Christmas way. Christmas proverb—It never rains but it snows. That is the warmest fire-place that wears the most stockings. An old cotton stocking will hold as much as a silk one. The innocent mistletoe gets blamed for a good deal of human perverse- ness. The only green thing an’ Trish man_ objects to, is a green Christ- mas. Christmas fills up many a lean stocking. It is only natu ral for the little red-headed girlte want a white hobby horse. Santa Claus doesn't forget even the bad boy. It is John L. Sullivan who isa stocking. IN UNCONGENIAL COMPANY. firm believer ina Uncir Reunen (who has come from Horscheads just in time to sit dowon to dinner)—'*D'd you say Christmas box. bare-back clam, Mandy ?” the sleigh bells Mrs. Det. Bratze—" No, no, Uncle; Little-Neck clam.” The trampgets makes the best UNCLE REUBEN (noticing the inclination toward décolleteism as displayed by the ladies\—"* How snow in his Christmas carol. lon’some he must feel roaund here.” stocking. The jingle of comicbooks.com