Judge — December 1887 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHRISTMAS JUDGE I begged her to cease eating chocolate creams— Even you are aware they cause horrible dreams; But she—she accused me of smoking a pipe ! With “lots of bad things” of a similar type. Now, chocolate undermines anyone’s health, It acts with such vigor and quickness and stealth; y hy a pipe couldn't injure a mouse, Any more than the sunshine could ruin a house. I met her last night when the Hoods were “ut home,” s well have been with you in Rome, For never a look or a sign did she gi That such a poor fool as yours truly could Ii T can't pen a line, I'm at sea with my verse, I cannot explain when the editors curse; I'd give every hanged bit of candy in town If Maggie would only let up and not frown, What stuff! Twill sail by the Celtic, next week, To study the language the frog-eaters speak; Address me at London in care of my Co.; lll learn to forget her. Yours ever, —Bon Sxow. P.S.—I'm not going; my angel's let up ! Come home, you old humbug, and help drain the cup; Mag says if you do ccomp'ny you back Can't write a bit more; she is kissing me, Jack. De Witt Sterry. A NOTE OF ADMIRATION. “T don't know her name, Mercutio, but she’s a la-la.” New York, December, 1 Dear Jack: From your forcign-stamped note of the third, I judge you are still a gay bachelor bird, Why, pray? Are the dainty creations of Rome Relow the fond creatures you worshipped while home ? Van Vieck is engrossed in the study of ale As applied to the system; Fred’s tutor at Yale; And jolly Ned Reynolds is spinning the rocks llis father secured from his jobbing in stocks. I think I've discovered an old flame of yours Whatever's the favor such conduct secures ?— You remember Miss Lyle, a diminutive chick ? Well, Jack, we have grown most deliciously thick. But that doesn’t matter—go slowly, old boy, It’s too late to wish me unspeakable joy; We've quarrelled, Jack, quarrelled for nothing at all, And she has requested me never to call! WHY NOT? Orcanist—" ¢ mat’ wiz you anthow ?" Monkey (in Ais o ‘ranslate for the benefit of our readers — “Why don’t you put a rope around 11's waist, too?” CHRISTMAS CONFIDENCES. “Be sure and put the best things on the top,” said the grocer to his wife, as she was filling the stockings. ‘They say one is apt to dream of her future husband at Christ- mas,” remarked a widow to herself. “I hope I won’t dream of my past one.” “If you knew what I was made of,” said the baker's mince-pie to the small boy, “you wouldn't touch me.” “Tt was very kind of the Goodhearts to remember us,” said Mrs. Snarley to her husband, “ but I think it would look better if they paid their debts instead of buying people presents.” “Charlie gets only seven dollarsa week,” reasoned Miss Deceit, so I'm afraid this locket can't be real gold ; I will take it to the jeweler's to be tested.” comicbooks.com