Judge, 1887-12 · page 11 of 45
Judge — December 1887 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous sketches typical of Judge magazine's satirical style. The main subjects are: **"An Invulnerable Shield"**: A child wants a bustle (fashionable women's garment) to use as protection against boys putting pins on her chair—satirizing the era's exaggerated fashion trends. **"Didn't Want to See the Point"**: An elderly spinster tries to create a romantic moment under mistletoe with a young man, who deliberately misses her hint and offers her a seat instead—mocking disappointed courtship expectations. **"Winter's Tale"**: Various brief domestic comedies about mistletoe encounters and flirtation, including an old bachelor finding only a hole in his stocking. **"Poor Pay"**: A customer pays an old debt only to settle the bill—poking fun at reluctant debtors. The page also includes a dialect poem ("Den sing yo' song, Sambo!") in offensive period vernacular, reflecting the era's deeply problematic racial stereotyping. The imagery throughout shows Victorian domestic scenes with period clothing and social conventions as the humor's backdrop.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN INVULNERABLE SHIELD. “What would you like Santa Claus to bring you?” asked Mrs, Brown. “*A bustle like Cora wears,” replied Baby Lil. DIDN'T WANT TO SEE THE POINT. “Oh, gracious!” ex- claimed the ancient Miss Prue, cottoning to the only’ disengaged young man in the ball- zoom, ‘Do you know we are standing under that horrid mistletoe?” and she pretended to be dreadfully nervous. “In that case, ma’am,” he replied, “allow me to lead you to a seat; you seem rather faint.” POOR PAY. “Was that old Flint I saw just going out?” asked a man of his clerk. “Yes,” was thé re- ply. “He said he had just dropped in to pay “That bill he has owed for over two CHRISTMAS JUDGE Den sing yo’ song, Sambo! sing yo" song! O sing! but doan’ hang up yo" hoe! De boatman dat ‘spec's toe git erlong Mus’ paddle wen de win’ doan’ Vlow! De man dat’d sell may hol’ de candle well, But wait twell mawnin' ‘fo! yo" buy; De chick « "Less niggah er w * _Odoan’ quit chasin’ de rabbit in sight Toe foller de :k ob a ‘coon! An’ nebber posepone a job in daylight Toe wuck by de light ob de moon! O yo'can't cotch clams jis’ laik you skim milk, But mus’ git um down in de mud! Yo! must stub roun’ fas’ ef Dinah wahs silk, Er drap wid a mighty loud thud ! De lazy man knows dar’s yolk in de um ter sce ; " shoat ina key Den sing yo! song, Sambo! sing yo song! O sing! but doan’ hang up yo" hue! De boatman dat ‘spec's toe git erlong Mus’ paddle w’en de win’ doan’ blow! J. A. Waldron, “Gracious!” exclaimed her mother, holding up her hands. “What does a little thing like you want of wearing a bustle?” “To keep Johnny from putting bent pins on my chair,’ returned the young philosopher. WINTER'S TALE, GROWING WISE. “ What does a girl do when she gets too old to hang up her stock- ing?” asked Merritt “IT should say,” re- plied Miss Snyd smiling arch} she then begins hang up the mistletoe.” THE POOR BACH- ELOR. “And what did you find in your stocking, Mr. Lonely?” asked a lively young lady of an old bachelor. “A hole,” was the crabbed reply. HE TOOK THE HINT. “How nice and quiet it isout here,” she said, as she led him from the crowded. par- lor and sat on the stairs. “Yes,” he replied. “This would be a fine years?” interrupted the man of business. “No,” returned the clerk. “He dropped in to pay the compli- ments of the season.” Mr. SLAzER—* Good-bye, Willie.” place to hang the mis- Wrtte—" Good-bye, Mr. Slazer ; don't forget to bring the teeth when youcome again, will you?” tletoe. ns Mr. SLAzER—“Teeth ?”” Oh, no,” she re- Wiuie—"Yes ; gran’ pop told Aunt Hetty, just before you came that you were mean enough turned, smiling erchly. to stea! your mother’s false teeth, 'n ifit's a double set 1 would like to have 'm for ‘It is so dark here that ice-creepers to put on my new boots.” it isn’t necessary.” comicbooks.com