Judge, 1887-10-15 · page 6 of 16
Judge — October 15, 1887 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short jokes and satirical vignettes typical of 1880s-90s American humor magazines: **"In Geological Times"** mocks romantic uncertainty through absurdist hypotheticals about evolution. **"Cause and Effect"** satirizes English social pretension—Jones is ridiculed as an "anglomaniac" for having twins, implying the British obsession with large families was seen as excessive. **"A Chronic Growler"** is simple domestic humor about a perpetually dissatisfied man complaining about matchstick quality. **"Finding a Street"** features an Irish immigrant character (indicated by dialect: "yez," "shtreet") offering colorful directions, reflecting period ethnic comedy stereotypes. **"A Business Secret"** presents barber-shop philosophy about flattering customers, culminating in a bald-man joke. **"A New Name for Them"** pokes fun at scientists giving complex technical names to ordinary things, with "mechanical intellects" as a humorous replacement for "cranks." The overall tone reflects late-Victorian American satire: genteel social criticism mixed with ethnic caricature and mild domestic humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE IN GEOLOGICAL TIMES. A STATE OF DOUBT. Fitz Wiggins (trying to feel his way delicately)—“ If you were a fellah and I were a girl, Miss Mollie, you know, do you think you could fall in love with me, you know Miss Mollie (thoughtfully)—* Well, you'd be so different and I'd be so different, maybe T might.” now trying to find out from his friends whether - or not they think that very discouraging. CAUSE AND EFFECT. “ Have you heard that Jones's wife has twins ?” “What “Well! here's the “0, well, large families are so English, you know, and Jones is ary relic of antiquity. the worst anglomaniac you ever saw.” What is it?” mother-in: lcnTHYosauRts—"O, that dates from the period of the mollusks.” A CHRONIC GROWLER. Binks (savagely)—*Confound these matches. Nowadays they won't light.” Tinks (calmly)—"* Why don't you try the end with some sulphur on it?” Binks (still more savagely)—" Confound them, anyway! They ought to light at both ends.” A WISE FOOL, TOO. He is a fool that scatters thorns Upon the path his feet must tread; Who leaves a shelter when he s ‘The storm is bursting 0" Who walks on he: That pitfalls dee What fool then, who, when friendship wa From sad expe », still would wed ! FINDING A STREET. Dexwts Casny yez is lookin’ fur Baxter shtreet, jist folly thot nose yez has on thot face till ye eoom te it.” BEFORE THE CONTEST. * Stranger—* Ah, boys, the Thistie is an elegant boat and has a good chane Chorus Stranger (calmly) “That the Volunteer beats her.” Silence.) ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT. ried the other day, and this was the notice he put up on his shop door: € punt of the conjugal association of two individuals Eiseteix—"* [can't make dot oud. 1 followed mine dose und it brings me back to dot same spot dot I left, ain’d it A BUSINESS SECRET. “You must be very polite to succeed in this business,” said a bar: ber to his young apprentice.“ Always wear a pleasant smile and try to flatter everybody.” “Til do my best, sir,” rephed the apprentice; “ but how am I to flatter a bald-headed man 2” “ Easy enough,” replied the barber. ‘* Just ask him if he doesn’t want his hair cut. A VESTIGE OF PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT. * What makes you think our new boarder is a married man ¢” asked a boarding-house mistress of one of her servants. “ Because,” replied the girl, “I noticed that when he came home early the other morniag he removed his shoes before goiny upstairs.” A NEW NAME FOR THEM. Old Mr. Bentley—" Maria, you mustn't call people cranks ¢ more.” CAUSE FOR COMPLAINT, Old Mrs. Bentley—“‘ Why, Joshua?” of the society for the prevention of cruelty to animals!” “d bia : do for Old Mr, Bentley—" Because they are now known as ‘people of E.epnast—* We want you to stop the scientists from giving us such hard names.” mechanical intellects.’ ” comicbooks.com