Judge, 1887-10-15 · page 5 of 16
Judge — October 15, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces typical of late 19th/early 20th-century American humor magazines: **"False" (poem by Nathan S. Levy)**: A romantic lament about a woman named Lisette who once seemed beautiful but is revealed to wear heavy makeup ("made up your cheeks of cream"), have a wax nose, and glass eyes. The satire targets women's cosmetics and artificial beauty enhancement—reflecting period anxieties about female deception through makeup. **Various short jokes** mock common social situations: an aspiring author with unpublished work, a man's insensitive response to a woman's question, a bather demanding the tide change, and courtroom banter. **"Old Chocolate's Target Practice"**: A column of folk wisdom presented in heavy dialect, likely representing African American vernacular speech—a common (though problematic by modern standards) humor convention of the era. The page reflects period preoccupations: masculine skepticism toward women's appearance, class anxieties, and social etiquette. The dialect pieces represent how mainstream magazines treated marginalized voices as comedy fodder.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
O, gay Lisette, 80 false you seem— ‘Tis true I lingered by the stream, In happy summers long ago, And roamed with thee, a-whispering slow The thoughts through lovers’ hearts that teem. Thy presence was to me a gleam Of rays of sunshine when they beam With effluent ardor, all aglow, O, guy Lisette! But then, Lisette, I did not deem ‘That you “made up” your cheeks of cream, Your nose was wax ; I did not know That eye was glass that glittered so; Your quondam graces are a dream, O, gay Lisette ! NATHAN 9. LEVY. PROGRESS IN EFFORT, “ Do you really write for the pupers ¢” she asked admiringly as they sat together on the front pore * Yes,” he murmured in the deepening shadow, “Tam an author. I have not hy nything printed yet, but hope to soon.” HE DIDN'T HIT IT. . Avinieli of all the girls that you know do you like the best 7” she whispered ~The one I'm usually with,” was his heartless reply, and now he wonders what made her mad. ANYTHING TO OBLIGE. to the bathing-house keeper at the sea-shot ‘o-morrow I want my bath a little earlier than ust uite true, sir; but you see, sir, the tide doesn't happen to serve until five in the evening, si “Oh, nonsense! you can hurry it up a couple of hours.” A COURT AMENITY, ** What does the coun- mean this world sked the judge. “1 suppose,” replied the opposing counsel with asmile, “that the gen tleman means he is not half so stupid as he looks.” A HINT TO SMOKERS. Customer—" Did you notice that man who just went out changed the price cards in those cigar twenty-five cent cigars Dealer— Oh, ye noticed that; but, bless your soul, it makes no difference to me. Both boxes are just the same.” A woman never likes to be contradicted except REASON when she is fishing for & 10 Fe ETB: compliments. He—" 1 s'pone he's got one of his usual * stills * on." & A MAN OF WEALTH. * However could you rent the house to that strange man without a single reference ¢” asked the owner of the agent. “Oh, he's all right for the money,” was the offhand reply. ** But how do you know about that ?” “Because,” returned the agent, “TI found out he used to be a waiter in a summer hotel.” ‘A DEADLY HOBOKEN INSULT. Mn. Waranscay—" Guine cront de Fibber, Miss Brackstone Mn. Warenocny "On sone died las’ naight. Tous! inalene be at it little (Anil it ta question whether Mr. Waterbury reaches @ Wace of nafety on the weater-pail reaches Mtr, Waterbury) OLD CHOCOLATE’S TARGET PRACTICE. Hit’s a fool fish dat bites twice at de so bait, an’a dat ‘specs him toe. An ole dog dat changes ownahs changes temper. Yo! can’t grin’ yo! ax ‘less sumun tu’ns de stone. A sailor wid a write skin needs a lettah ob recommen’. Dar's a little mo’ hope fo’ a spilt chile dan dar is fo’ a bad oystah. Ef yo’ want toe git de maaket-value ob good health, ask de man dat’s ill, Many a man ull try yo’ w'o neb- hud be convinced hisse'f. : De hiad man am neb: bah distu’bed by de 1 stawm dat spiles his 1 tah’s crops. A lucky man am allus twitted ob his fawehune; an unlucky man. allus twits hisse’f. De doctah may ‘uv tole yo’ toe fas’, but ef yo’ is ata nabah’s table yo’ er ‘Sux—" I wonder what makes Profesor Schmidt so silent this evening again!” boun’ toe stuff. J. As WaLpRox, comicbooks.com