Judge — September 24, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 5 PIKE COUNTY PHILOSOPHY. THE OLD SETTLER ON TROUT AND POLITICIANS. QUIRE,” said the old settler, as the two vet- erans sat on the tavern stoop gazing at a creel of trout one of the boys had brought it is jis’ like politicians: ‘ze'ly like politicians.” “Major,” said the pw so 1” ase,” replied the old settler,“ y’ can't never depend on ‘em. Y’ can't depend on ‘em fom oneday toanother. Wren countin’ ‘em a doin’ one thing they'll right up an‘ do sumpin’ else th't. y" wa'n't countin’ o1 2 ‘I knock yercac'lations sky-hi; Jis’ look, how often y'll work to git a holt 0° some ol’ trout th’t's thar in the creek. He's a smart ol’ cuss, an’ itll be jis’ like him to come up to ev’rything y’ offer him an’ take it without yer gittin’ a holt on him. Bir mebbe y'll git out of inducemen wile yer gone to dig some more ‘long comes another fell ina bid fer Mr. Trout. That feller, mebbe, is a leetle smarter'n you be, an’ w'en y’ come back y’ find th’t the trout has jumped at his offer, ALWAYS OUT TO HER. “ Are you ready for calling, my dear ?” asked Mrs. Strong of Mrs. Woodruff, “Almost. T've got the list of ‘ positively not at homes’ nearly made out, and Henry said he'd send up two dozen calling cards. They haven't got here yet. Calling does take so many cards now doesn’t it?” AN OPTICAL ILLUSION. (Miss Selden’s lance ts approaching them across the lawn.) Jevae 8. —" Who fs that coming across the lawn, daughter Miss S.—" Why, papa, don't you see? That's Teddy. He sald he intended coming over this evening.” Jepar S.— Ab, yes; Isce now; I thought at first it wasa say." an’ th’t the feller has got a holt on him, an’ fer all tl puttin’ up fer him, yer left out in the cold. politicians treatin’ folks jis’ that way # “ An’ then, ag’in, the feller w'at's got the holt on the trout ‘Il hey nce to see how much like a politician he is if he don’t look out, nts to be a mindin’ his eye, fer w'ile he’s jist a workin’ the trout fer all he’s wath, an’ countin’ on him big, all of a suddent he'll give a flop, an’ the feller ‘Il find th't his holt is gone, an’ the trout is y to lay fer some un else’s offer. Au’ thar's whar politicians is ly like trout, ‘squire, fer they’m everlastin'ly great on the flop. “But thuz one thing, b'gosh, th’t trout don't take arter politici fer, not a bi W'en ev'rything’s bright an’ clear around ye sign of a cloud anywhar 've ben Hain’t y’ never heerd 0° ans an’ no threatenin’ of ye, then the politicians ‘Il flock about ye like flies ‘round the ‘lasses cup, an’ th’ hain’t nothin’ they won't do fer ye to help ye ‘long. But let the clouds come an’ settle on ye, an’ the sun git hid away, so to speak, an’ y’ call on some them politicians—whar be they? That's the question. Whar be they? Sca’cer, b'gosh, th’n ir on an cel, An’ thar’s whar trout differs fm politicians. Y" don't see no trout foolin’ ‘round w’en it’s bright an’ clear; but w’en it’s cloudy, an’ mebbe a-gointer rain, an’ y’ can't see no bottom in the creek, even if ‘tain’t more’n three inches deep, then theyll gether ‘round an’ won't be back’ards in findin’ out wat yer wantin’ of ‘em. But then ag'in, ‘squire, politicians is 'zac'ly like trout in another way. The old settler paused and lifted one of the biggest and brightest of the trout from the basket and held it up admiringly. He showed no inclination to explain his last remark, and the ‘squire, growing aid ‘all, major, w'at is other way ez to w'ich politicians is "zac'ly like trout 7” “Cause th’ hain’t one on ‘em but w'at’s all over spots,” replied the old settler, placing the trout back in the basket. ‘Then the veterans laughed and wandered in to the bar. ‘A RUNNING BROOK. Vhere’s the running trout stream you said was near here? Blamed if it hain’t run clean out of sight!” THE BEST OF EVIDENCE. “Do yon suspect any of the clerks 2” asked the detective, who had been called in to investigate a robbery. “Decidedly not,” replied the merchant.‘ The only one who has the handling of the money is above any suspicion. He is such an exemplary young man that he curtails his time for luncheon so as to be able to read the bible he keeps in his desk.” Point him out to me,” cried the detective, rubbing his hands in delight; “he’s the very man I want.” NO CAUSE FOR COMPLAINT. “T thought you guaranteed there were no mosquitoes in this place ?” said a guest at a summer resort. Neither there are, sir,” returned the hotel proprietor. “ But they kept me awake all night. Just look how my face is bitten.” “Tut, tut, man !” replied the proprietor, scrutinizing his guest ; * those are only bug bites.” :