Judge — September 17, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OLD CHOCOLATE’S TARGET PRACTICE. Dar’s many a lie on a tomb-stun. Ef de cat's asleep de bacon am safe. Tears dat flow behin’ de do’ am de fulles’ ob sorrer, Dar's no use lookin’ at de sun ef hit spiles yo" eye. De wicked offen wondah how oddais kin be good. De dog dat doan’ haak gits de bigges’ mouf'ul ob breeches. Doan’ weep fo’ faded blossoms. Dar er seeds on de same bush, De bird on de wavin’ branch a’n’t hit ez easy ez de bird on de stump. Ef de doctah kin eu’ yo’ lumbago w’y can't he cu’ ‘is own rum- mytiz? De lightnin’-rod man does a quick job wid de faamah w'ose bain was struck, Ef a straight face war ev'dence ob honesty, nobody ud e: ch de man dat stole dat coon skin. Yo’ kin steal an’ eat a watah-mellen an’ vink nobody knows hit; but a single seed on de lappel ob yo' coat am ev'dence nuff dat yo're de guilty niggah. 3. 4, waLDaon COULDN'T SCARE HER. He (before the wedding)—** You are sure you won't be nervous at Itar 2” he (four times a widow)—“ I never have been yet.” PERILS OF CROSS.TOWN TRAVEL, Prossrasaxs (hailing care going in different directions)— Hi, there, stop!” A SIMPLE DRUMMER, “IT would like to get your custom,” said a drummer to the fakir who worked the cane and ring game at Coney Island. house can supply you with canes at cut rates.” “T don't need any, young man,” replied the fakir with a smile. I laid in this stock five years ago and it will last a lifetime. If you want to sell any guods you must get hold of a man who is just going into the business.” Patent medicines are advertised as being worth their weight in gold, and the druggist takes good care to make you pay that much for them. SUMMER AH, soon the waves will wash aw The footprints on the shining sai And soon the autumn winds will stray In sadness o'er the silent strand. The sea will mourn the absent fair Who tossed its hoary locks in glee, But I shall ever with me bear The picture of that summer sea, The sea that brings the laden ships With sheeny silks and spice and gold Hath left all gifts in sad eclipse That may be valued, bought or sold. The sea, true to her mystic past As taught in grave mythology, From out her breast in rapture cast My queen of love from out the sea. NDED. What fate allured my truant feet To wander by the restless wave, As Venus rose, so dazzling, sweet, To hold me as a willing slave? A thousand other paths diverged, To walk in them my soul was free : What blewed impulse kindly urged My fateful path beside the sea? eptune and his tritons rave; iF queen of love hath crossed the sand And left for aye th To walk beside me hai And when the autumn time of age Shall merge into eternity, Il bright shall be on memory’s page That summer time beside the sea. ‘A DREADFUL ALTERNATIVE.. Scene—A totally deso’ate stand. Time—Two hours after shijnoreck. Ausnent— Mein Got! unt are we de only two who have exsheaped goin’ to der pottom ? unt ter prospect in dot I vill either haf to eat you or you vill eat me!" THE REWARD OF NOTORIETY. “Since my husband was mixed up in that divorce case,” said Mrs. ntwell, ** he has made more money by his literary work than his ministerial fees “Indeed cl Cobwigger. “ What kind of literary work does he do, may I ask ¢” “Why,” replied the good man’s better-half, “he writes those unsolicited testimonials for soaps and patent medicines.” A LONG FELT WANT. “LT see,” remarked Terwilliger, * that the dress reformers are trying to invent a coat that will distinguish the gentleman from the waiter.” “T wish,” said old Moneybags, thinking of his marriageable daughters, ‘that they would get up something that would make a sentimental girl know the difference between a couchman and a foreign count.” A society woman's dress costs a great deal for what there is of it. And they did, but the cars went on just the same,