Judge — July 16, 1887 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Midge: PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. President W. J. Awkent Vice: President Haney K. HaRt Art Department Paitor TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. TED STATES AND CANADA, IY ADVANCE py one year, ber By nix mont ae single copies” W cents each. POREIG v SUBSC “RIPTION —Tv all foreign countries ti the postal u Sa year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (PoTTER BUILDING), Park Row, New York. E97 We guarantee advertisers a laryer circulation at cheaper rates than any Amer jean mitirical paper published Jay Goutp To Cyrus: PROVERBIAL POEM—W) little lamb.” ay the Platt will pl You WILL OBSE! get up so early, thi I stiL Love Mr. Gould, but IT have not that perfect faith in his purity of motive which casteth out fear.—C. W. Field. Daniet. Pratt, who is dead, ran for president more times than B. F. Butler; and his vagaries were, if not as impressive, far more popu- jar, * WAS THE WAR ilure sks Henry V boy, the conquerors certainly retain the dence that it wasn't. A west" DITOR says 0 “every whit as vile as the inf mous Rotten row in London. Good gracious! where are the police? VE by th the battle-flag is still there. terson, Well, battle-tlags. That's one dear evi- certain part of his town that it is THE PARTIAL RETIREMENT of General Boulanger by the French government means a Boulanger boom the moment that litt! an chooses to snap his fingers for it. Ou Fie, OH FIE! The battle- Nay business will not hurt my friend Grover. I dare say he was asleep when he sent out th: order, but if he wasn’t hasn't a man a right to be absent-minded sionally (—D. B. Hill. ABOUT to protest inst the toy pistol again, but tis the use? Our forefathers t, bled and died, and thei is no Fourth that would be counted complete without a fair amount of that wholesale suffering. Brooax—" THE MAN WHO acted as a substitute for Grover Cleveland durmg the war says he is penniless. He must have been badly hurt. A whine that runs though a quarter of a century is a pretty long whine. Let us pass around the hat. One Eva Howarp of Fresna, Cal., goes to prison three years for trying to blow open a safe. How long will it take women to learn that these difficult operations cannot be successfully prosecuted with a tire-cracker and a hair-pin. HE PLAYED | IT T00 SUDDEN Dr. Chester of the Buffalo fem ment address the other day, after luding to Mrs. Cleveland, that probably not one of the young ladies before him could ever hope to be queen of England; and thereupon there were suppressed sighs all over the building and one young lady fainted dead away. good, sensible, hearty, locument, in excellent taste, and with all the loop-holes in said in his commence- THE PRESIDENT’S LETTER to the queen was democrat the compliment necessary to let him out of it on the Irish question. That much for Grover against his captious critics. THE VIOLENCE OF THE SHORN LAMB. Perhaps the Lord rules very well. There is nothing more certain than that the Irish ought to rule Ireland; but if they were to become great nation what intolerance they would visit upon such outside territory as happened to fall under the control of their militar vious shelalah. It i y the Irish-American idea that no ‘* Brit- isher” shall enter Fanueil hall on penalty of his destruction and that of the cradle so called; and the Irish denunciation of our president be- or re rly light, if you happen to ON THE ROOF; OR A MIDSUMMER NIGHT IDYL. Hand me wan o thim bhricks, Jerry; tne head's a thrifie low.” cause of a little courtesy to the queen is as destructive as any vocal dynamite can be. A little toleration, and the greatcommon sense that it inevitably leads to, and what Christian statesmen we all might be! THE FIRST QUARREL between Adam and Eve related to the size and texture of the conventional tig-leaf; and as the weather was warm and there was to be an evening party Adam finally remarked, © (| you please "—and she did and caught an extremely bad cold Don CAMERON entertained 1,500 poor children b ing the Fourth of July. That isa kind of celebrating 1) spends y but brings money, if one 1 cheap a name; and Uncle Sam must hav out the proceedings. way of celebrat: mone; solid sati hat lifted through. A BAD BEGINNING. There was a warm discussion between the first parents as to which, in the unavoidableabsence of the nurse, should walk the floor with the suffering baby; and it was decided by this remark by Ev when he’s asleep and you'll do it when he's awake.” | This w example of woman's cunning and man’s stupidity; and male has been bruising his shins and ejaculating because he can't doit to the serpent’s head. ROOM FOR MRS. POTTER. “That fool of a woman,” the Buffalo Commercial Advertiser, speaking of Mrs. James Brown Potter. Let usskipsuch words judgment as th Mrs. Potter began with th juages of , and even if sh have had no business to be ing good houses, she has f nd such, eindorsement of a good » had been # failure she would hamed of her ambition. But she is dra ly won the good opinion of the London critics, and the chances are fair that she will have a profit able American season. No fool ofa woman could do this; and on the whole Mrs. Potter has done quite as well as could have been reasonably expected, and a little better. There is room for her. Let her have it. very CURRENT ITEM—Twenty Amer- ican women have pictures on exhibition at the Paris salon this season, and all the women are said to be verv good. WILL THEY NEVER GO? There is talk of exchanging Garland and Endicott for some other persons; but we still think both gentlemen will presently resign, the first because he is not conspicuous for his honesty and the other because, asa mugwump and more or less of a Republican, he has no right to his pl Still, both gentlemen, regardless of their other peculiarities, fering from an afflictive absence of pride, and they do say th blind to all hints that they would recognize only the one t of leather and has a remarkably demonstrative toe. Ir 18 PROPOSED that congress vote the mother of thirty-three child ren a golden slipper; but we suspect, with so many to manage. that the ashioned kind will be far better. at is made JACOB SHARP is a pretty old man the should be punished; but New York isa pretty old city, and it is equally mel ancholy that it should be repeatedly robbed. THE SUBSTITUTE BUSINESS. Mark Twain umpired a base-ball game from the grand stand, sur rounded by’policemen and vigorously flirting a fan. We somehow recall the man who led the church choir on a summer Sunday from the topmost branch of an e: apple tree a mile off; and tl was the case of General McClellan, who umpired the battle of Autie from a gunboat on the other side of the continent. 4 GREAT MYSTERY. It is a fact, as the ning Sun says, that you never see a red: girl without encountering a white horse. periment a dozen times and it hasn't failed once. meets you and almost in} The red-headed ariably the white horse is just beyond, cor in the same direction. Sometimes there are two of the horses, thou; more often three. If, however, you see no white horse, conclude that the experiment has failed at last and drop the subject, the few that take you to the end of the block disclose a white horse suin quietly at the curb of the side street, and the astonishment fairly lifts comicbooks.com