Judge — July 9, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sage: CELEBRATION AT THE CORNERS. I sw’ar tew goodness, Hannar, | furgot the day was nigh, When accordin’ tew the almernick the stars an’ stripes should fly Fur we should ail commemerate fur what our fathers bled, By whoopin’ things up lively, while we paint the corners So, Hannar, git my beaver out, an’ polish up the nap, Put Jimmy's blue jean trousers on an’ git ls peaked cap, “An you, yerself, had better hussle into that new gown, Tew make things sorter even—fur I wanter do it brown, Now cone this scrumshus, Hannar? See, the parson he has ‘Thar hain't no words like prayin’ words tew open up the biz ; An’ Scollar'a writ a poem fur tew give the thing sum tone, An’ Jones's boy is goin’ to speak a piece up thar alone. An’ all the boys an’ gals has jined tew give the day enthuze- Wal, now! Thar's Tompkin’s oldes' son chockfull o’ wicked booze. Now whoop hur up, my son! give vent tew all yer leetlesoul, An’ watch yer daddy jerk that puss from off the greasy pole. (didn’t git the puss, my boy; my doe-skin pants are done— Whoop! They are at the barrer race, I wanter go it one. Now, watch yer daddy try a fling; I may come out ahead, An’ if Idie jist plant me where the rose is turnin’ red. 9 course I war tew ole to buck ag'in them lively shoots — Thar goes the greasy an’ I—great Caesar ! how he scoots ! Wal, that is done, an’ I've begun tew enter in the pla Jist recollect ver daddy, Jim, an’ don't furgit this day. Wal, here we're hum ; the day is passed, an’ I am glad it’s gone, Fur sich an ole man as myself [ gess I done it wrong— A follerin’ that pesky pig, it war not quite the biz, Fur I suppose I'll 0 pay fur it in rheumatiz. _ But Jimmy had tew see the deal, an’ Hannar likewise tew, An’ now good night, our natal day, ole Fourth a fond adew Mistxess—“* What are you doing, Bridget * Binoer— Catching the fifes, mum, and puting thira on th @y‘paper eure ; aln‘t that WOULDN'T DO. AT. ALL; ““Why don’t you wear your: night-dress for a bathing suit?” in quired a mean old man of his lovely young wife.” Because, my dear,” she said archly, ‘‘it is altogether te high i in the neck and comes down too far.” A NEW SERPENT. IN EDEN, = A new law has been passed’ @ dome ing it a-mis- demeanor for lovers to indulge'in’ atorous® pastimes*in; the public parks, We presume this law comes under the hedd'6f Embracery; HE DREW ON HISAMAGINATION. “Don't you think. Mr. Gush beageratee just a fittle about how ’ dress whilé bathing fa ou must makela Hite allowance for him, my dear,” stpirned ‘He is a newspaper Correspondent, you know.” SAINTS AND SINNERS.2 30%" “Where is the best place to sce those stiinning bathing-guits that the papers say the swell girls are wearing ?” asked'a young dudé. “At any of those religious resorts where camp-meetings are held,” replied his friend. Cora, THE WRONG SORT. Please give ine one quart of whisky for mechanical purposes.” Davootst- kind of mechanteal purposes Percuanei—" For soaking roots. Drvooist (after giviny him the liquor) Poncuawen (akipping) Poncwase! “What kind of roots "The roots of the tongue " “AN INFALLIBLE RECIPE. An examination in an agricultural college. “Tell me, please, how one can keep mutten fresh ¢” “By not killing the sheep. DIDN'T WANT TO BE SEEN. “Do you know where I can get one of those opaque sunshades ?” asked Co “Why, stroke ?” “No,” returned Cora, confidentially, ‘but Mr. going out to sit on the sand.” A CONVENIENT COLOR. Master Tommy is out walking with his mother. man, he exclaims : “Oh! wouldn't I like to be as black as that !” “What an idea !” ~ Yes} because then I shouldn't have to bother about washing my exclaimed Mamie, in surprise, ‘tare you so afraid of sun Merritt and [are Seeing a colored NOT ACQUAINTED WITH THE NEW BUSTLES. Becre Axx—" Due tell, Jeremiah! this ‘ere bonnet that you got me in York is the queerest thing I ever laid eyes onter. I cant tell the ‘fore from the ‘hind, and the amount o' trimmin’ it'll take is powerful.”