Judge — July 2, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sidpe- A STAID AND SOLEMN DEACON. sa Robert J. Burdette has been in- ; stalled as deacon ina Baptist church, —Current item. OOD Deacon Burdette, You look solemn, but yet An unsanctified twinkle still lurks in your eye; You look solemn and staid, But yet we're afraid Could you get off alone you would joke on the sly. Good Deacon Burdette, ‘ ‘ Like a flint you must set Your face in a staid, sanctimonious guise, Or your old graceless way Will crop out some day, And you'll make the whole prayer-meeting laugh till it cries. 8. W. Pose THE YOUNG IDEA. “Where is heaven, ma ?” inquired a little tot. “It’s a place where the people who die go to,” was the rather unsatisfac- tory reply. The little one thought a moment, and then said, ‘ Was that heaven we passed night coming home from the pienic—the place with all the gravestones in it?” MAKING SURE, “Will you let me see a pair of low shoes ?” said a lady, entering a shoe store, “Certainly, ma’am,” returned the clerk, who was new at the business. “Do you refer to the height or the price ?” QUITE PLAUSIBLE. “How is it that there are so many murder trials in the papers of late, my dear? meekiy inquired Mrs, Brown. “T suppose,” snapped out the old bear, “it is because so many people have been getting killed.” Teacunn (reading)— And it was HARD TO CORNER. “* How was it, deacon, that you at- tended the race track the other day ?” inquired a female member of the church. “T went to see if racing really improv: ed the breed of horses,” replied the good man. “But what took you in the place where the gambling was going on ?” she cross-examin- ed. “Twas mere- ly inquisitive to find out,” re- turned the dea- con, * whether the new law really _restrict- ed betting.” Tommy (with the utmust confidence — A lazy man grunts mo’ in beginnin’ a job dan anoddah does in doin’ hit, Youxo wax ox HyoRaxT—" You in right, dominie. De bishun ob ebery young man ought to be t6 rise, Dats and yer can bet dat I'se g'wine to rise some ob dese days ‘above de common trash.” FROM HIS VIEW, n absolute fact that the hen laid six eggs a week on an average! Now, Tommy, tell uthin to lay eggs on! ROSE BEYOND HIS EXPECTATIONS, THE CAT AND THE IRON POT. There was once a Cat who had a strong Pull with the Cook, and for this reason lived in the delusion that she was running the whole Kitchen. An old Iron Pot which had incurred the ill-will of this Cat was peace- fully resting on the floor after its morning labors, when the Cat approached and insolently demanded that the Pst should not sing on the Stove while Her Catship was taking her morn- ing nap. “I sing over my work because I like it,” said the Pot, “‘and I shall not stop for such a lazy, selfish, yawning creature as you.” This so enraged the Cat that she lifted her paw and pulled the Pot over; but it was half filled with cold soup, and with a shriek of dis- may the Cut fled to the melancholy solitudes of the Cellar, and has ever since been trying to clean herself up. Don’t attempt to injure anybody without first considering the conse- quences, CONCILIATING THE VOTERS. “Sire,” said Dan, “if any one should ask how many fish were caught what am I to say ?” “If he is a Republican,” returned Grover, after a little reflection, “tell the truth; if a mugwump, you had better say a dozen; but if he is a Dem- ocrat, be sure and make it a hundred.” JUST HIS LUCK. The fall of the Boulanger ministry caused endless disappointment in X was heart-broken. [y friends were in power, and I made sure I should get something.” “And you didn’t get anything ?” “ Parbleu, no, Whenever it rained offices I always happened to have my umbrella up.” NOT QUITE SURE, X. is the ‘most forgetfulest™ man on record. He forgets his um- brella, his ad- dress, the time of day, and whose presence he is in. The other day he was accosted by one of his ac. quaintances whom he had not seen for a long time. “Are you married, and have you any children ?” ask- ed his friend. “Yes—that is, I believe so— five or six.” ne, what is an average? F’om a po’ neighbor yo’ kin borror eas- ier dan yo’ kin steal fom a rich one. “Lor! Tse risin’ now fo" shuab!*