Judge — June 25, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Midge: JUDGE'S FABLES THE DRUM-MAJOR, A party of geese were assembled near the road when a military body passed by, headed by a drum-major mov- ing in astounding and THE PITCHER’S BRIDE. 188 MAGGIE DOLAN took a run Up town to see the game, And watched the gallant Murphy's curve, Her cheeks like bal/s of flame. In her position on the field She struck out misconstruction Of thoughts that he might double play, ‘And caught an introduction. SEP)) He did not baulk her sweet intent, But tipped his cap with gra ne fair girl tiisted up her And said she knew that base, safe,” said one of the Ungenerous thoughts could never past geese, ‘as long as such Across their minds plate onic, And bow! heroes as this lead the stnile laconic. And left He married her in course of time, And called her daisy, dearie, Bat ran afoul of social clubs And grew of home right weary ; When off his base he frequently ome at early morning, And tried to pitch her out of doors, Her threata of judgment scorning. OLD CHOCOLATE’S TARGET PRACTICE. it and Miss Shots, with now and then a Bull’s-eye. Everybody ull lay claim toe apples spilt in de road. Settin’ a trap fo’ de weasel won't cotch de pullet he stole. Hat in han’am offen ez good ez a lettah ob recommendashen, Bashful at dinnah wid yo' nabah, hun- gry at suppah at home. De pusson w’at follahs de fashion can't fin’ time toe follah anything else. Chloe at sixty ain't so han'some ez Chloe at twenty, but she makes bettah chicken bie. Hit's gittin’ so dat de hones’ man mus’ be a knave half de time er git lef all de time. We all laik toe see eberybody e justice, no mattah how haad er how much hit may hab a good theory ob yo' own ‘bout navigatin’, but w'en yo’ is on de ribber let de boatman hab his way. “Wha yo! gwine ?” sez de man toe de fox. “Ise gwine right home,” sez de fox, an’ he sneak roun’ toe de hen roos’. Dar's nutlin’ laik ‘stablishin’ a alibi. 1g low he took her home The morals of this tale benign Are tallied by the score ; Men should, in short, stop playing ball up a And catch the girls no more. One thought should strike each man, The error of such sinning, And substitute a line of life Set high in the beginning. army. Isn't he per- fectly majestic ?” Then they all sent le of praise. “You fools!” said an old crow flying by; “the general is that little, dried-up old man JAMIA CLARENCE IM FRONT OF THAT DECEPTIVE MIRROR AT THE EDEN MUSEE. Tovcuy visrror— Who ‘r you staring at, you lop-eared, slab- sided Turk. If I looked like you I'd go drown niyself.” WALDRON, “ How do you know 2” * Because she’s allowed to stand up,” replied Merritt. over there. The real leaders of affairs keep quiet while such as you cackle over the antics of their tools.” BUZZ SAWS, The woman who has no voice is always singing. Cold weather is the only sure cure for the base-ball fever. " A bit of glass in the gutter will shine brighter than a dime. The skeleton in the closet is often in the shape of a long-necked bottle. The bad man who goes fishing on Sun- day often catches the most fish. The critic is a big man until he dies, It is different with the poet. Strawberries keep the Sunday-schools well attended during the summer. Summer is the great season for telling the truth. During the winter it is y for a man to say there are no flies on him. A SURE SIGN. “What are you trying to see, Jack ?” asked Merritt in an elevated train, “T'd like to get a glimpse of that girl's face who has her back turned to us.” “Oh, come away! she’s as homely as sin.” Jack, AT FAR ROCKAWAY, Miss Creapwor—" How beautifully Mr. Cammack dives, doesn’t he!" Sanaooa Ciank of the Exchange (a little bitterly)—" Yes, be ought to. Been plunging in ‘ Atlantic and Pacific’ all winter.”