Judge — June 11, 1887 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sage: THE CHAT FIEND. Chat, chat, chat! in corridors, on the street. in who smiles and waits, THE TWO ELEVATORS. A man who had been trying to lift himself into the air by the straps of his boots once met a Chat, chat; chat? distinguished philoso ‘The chat man will nod and tip you his hat, pher and reformer. Next morn! Ifulllength inhissheet “Glad to meet you, u said in the str my friend,” said the self- lifter.‘ We work on a common subject. You would elevate the masses and Lam trying to ele- vate myself, u must be consid- ~ y elevated by some- responded the philosopher, “or wouldn't attempt your present foolish feat. Don't you know you can’t defy the une! ble laws of gravitation ¢” “Don't be too hard on me,” rejoiied the self-lifter; © there are other unch Do you suppose that when your boasted millenium comes, y man has three acres and a cow, the THE BEST HE HAD. laws of humar ill be suspended? Human greed and human A Paris concierge was washing down a corridor when a lodger folly would soon bring us back just where we are now, Just ay [have entered, his boots covered with mud. to burst the soles out of my boots “Look at your feet, sir! can you will have to burst the bottom out you come here with such feet as 45h 7 of your theories.” thove 1" cries the woman in a rage. GA Moral—If the world were perfect reformers would be out of a job: as it “ But, my good madame, they hap- pen to be the only ones T hav is imperfect, they should make their theories for men, not angels. TOO TRUE. An uncle who has just lost his nephew. “Tt is perfectly frightful; it's horri ble to think « he cried in his wild despair, here is no one left to mourn for me now, and my death will not occas le soul the most lively re OF COURSE. He's up at di At midnight a He never considers his work as done. Chat, chat, chat! Presidents and rulers, princes and kings, Statesmen, philosophers, and men of aifairs : Lawyers and doctors and mil To the chat man are merely finite things. Chat, chat, chat! We wish sometimes he was landed in—well, where climatic changes are r: the ruler gasps for more air. But—whisper—we all read his ** stuff,"don't tell. ALARMING THE YOUNG MAN. Bertie—** Say, Mr. De Garmo, is anything the matter with your nose?” De Garmo- >, Bertie; net that I know of. What put that question into your head ?” Bertie—* Well, I heard ma ask sister Edith if she'd put your nose out An official “Mademoiselles,” he said, ‘* [should like to send to the board the wisest of joint yet.” NOT IN THE PICTURE. Artist—* What do you think of my picture of the children of Israel crossing the Red se: Youn vsnaxn r of the class, Yousa wire—" Certainly Friend—* The wa is good. but I don't see the children of Israel.” . El address my question to the prettiest Artist—" You forget—they are all dead by this time: Whereupon Saree the class rose en WILLING TO MEET HIM THERE. Debtor—* Then you won't come to my terns 7” Creditor-" No; I'll see you where it's hotter first.” masse. CENTENARIANS. “Is it. true, Mr. Thomas, Debtor--"Well, that parrots live I'll meet you in several centur mati jest” “Certainly, Mrs. Jones. We — had one of my OIONT CATCH THE master’s that had ~~ been in the fam- ily over 400 years. It is true he was stuffed— bul Advance Ag't. —What is the maximum num- ber you can get in your house ?” Manager— - “Er-don’t know NATURALLY, that, but I can A physician to get in 1120 peo- pupil. ple on a pinch, When doesa _ man weigh the — Nomatter how most?” much a man is “When he against monop- A QUICKLY ANSWERED PRAYER. has been tread- oly, if he’s court: Atpenaas Steat (from Oshkosh) Gosh’ ain't ithoty Iwisha NZ On Some- ing agirl he’s for shower would come up abd cool it off. body's corn: it every time. 4 i © Gee whiz! These ‘ere York showers are the suddenest snes Lever see.” comicbooks.com