Judge — June 11, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CURIOUS. HE justice was hearing a troublesome c . When he called the next witness to step into place “Sarah Mooney ! he called to the ofticers there; “Come, call § * They searched everywhere, Till at last cried the judge in irascible w: * We'll adjourn without ceremony to-da; A ripple of merriment ran through the throng Of la’ rs and clerks all the benches: For his honor had commonly noth That promised a joke, being He was vastly delighted himself, Went breathlessly home to astonish his wife. He found het once and proceeded to say, “I got off something funny in sessions today. We'd a servant-girl named Mary Mooney to call, But they called her in vain - she was not in the hall; ied in an angry, irascible way, We'll adjourn, then, without Mary Mooney to-day !" His wife mused in silence, then mournfully spol “Tm stupid, E know, but I don’t see the joke The Judge pondered long, then returned: witl sigh, “Tis curious, surely, but neither do 1!" PLORESCE &, PRATT. LIVED IN HOPES. Missionary—* Don't you suppose your chureh could raise, say, a couple of thousand dollars for the heathen y rict 1” Minister—** But I thought there were hen where you are going.” Missionary—"* True, there aren’tany now, but then we all live in hopes, you know.” LITTLE SHE KNEW. y happy, my dear,” said Mrs, Cobwigger to her friend more and more every day A few months ago I Joux—* They speak of the evil of drink: why, there's old uncle Joe died the with me to see my mother in Hoboken, but now other day aged ninety. and he drank all his li . bold auxious to gover every Shuday” GeonoE-"* Literally prewerved in alcohol, you might say. WELL PRESERVED. aA HERE I boarded out last summer, vestibule filled with eats, cither engaged in a musicale or bolding an In New Jersey, each new comer animated discussion on the topics of the day. In reply to my respectful Was promised by the landlord he'd find hvely petition to be allowed to enter my domicile, they treat me with silent compar contempt or give me most impudent looks. They steal my door-mats And I met there Mr. Culex, ‘ue. nin- tion : the ling este ased 10 be ang: We base- Mr, Cimex, Mr. Pulex— Which means only the mosquito and the bed bug and the flea, AN OPEN LETTER TO MR BERGH. My dear Mr. Bergh : While I entertain the greatest respect and admiration for you and the good work you do, there are times when it occurs to me that, while you are undoubtedly a friend to dumb beasts, you are indirectly a de- stroyer of « good many immortal souls. In other words, your zeal is misdirected. In your laudable anxiety to spare the over-worked horse, the tor: tured dog, the unappreciated goat and the tramp cat, use many of your fellow-men to lose their tempe below and their chances of hi on, Let me illustrate my m street where I live is positively infested With cats of all classes and nations. Every night regularly they hold a number of concerts, with extended sessions, Their minor chords are heart-rending, their bass solos are blood-curdling. Some- times jealousy causes frequent disputes, and while the Thomases form a ring and settle the differences of opinion the Marias are industriously pulling hair im the background, giving vent in the meantine to the most dreadful expres- sions and horrible profanity. On those oceasions we are obliged to close all the Windows for fear the children’s morals will be contaminated by hearing such a concatenation of sounds. In the d: time they—the cats—saunter in the area way. and if we are at meals th i tively ylare at us through the and seem to demand all the food we are on to carpet the roof with, promenade on the bulconies in pairs, and a few nights ago I found one making a tour of the house with an eye, T am morally certain, toa midnight robbery at some future date. So much for the discomfort of the thing. There is more to follo Are you willing to incur the hatred of all men and women by) making them think you hold. the Are you willing to take the responsibility of thousands of ruined tempers and wrecked dispositions? Are you will nder human be better land if only your e: e from the pun y often merit? Very recently the cat residing opposite our house was shut out on the roof of the extension. It was afraid to jump to the ground, so there it sat all night long, crying, moani ling and swearing, from ten o'clock at night till seven o'clock the next morning. There was no sleep for me during those weary hours, and I shudder at the state of mind my next room neighbor was in. Several times he went to the window and apos- trophized that fiend in curses both loud and deep, dozens of times did he prance about in search of something to hurl at it, but he could not spare his shoes and the furniture too heavy, so all he could do was to swear—and I followed suit. Why did we not shoot tha 1 Be- cause there is a of $500 for killing one of “them varmints,” and another fine of $500 for discharging a revolver in the street. We know, Mr. Bergh, you are responsible for one fine, and believe you are responsible for the other. In fact, I am willing to believe there is no enormity you are inc of perpetrating so long as your precious: cats are placed in your category of sacred objects. COOL AND THRIFTY. eating. When I go home late it isa Prospective wipow—" Hi, John? you run out‘n tell them fellers thet’s a-foolin’ with your pop if they den’t bring thet air clothes- usual thing for me to find the steps and line back when they"re through with ft I'l hev the law on to ‘m!" s, like crows, fly in flocks. comicbooks.com