Judge — May 14, 1887 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

iape: PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. + W. J, AMKELL Hanay R. Hart Bansnann Oran or - 1M. Onzoony FOREIGN iT» all foreign countries (n the postal unton, $5.4 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING CoMPANy (Potter BuILpINo), Park Row New York, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES ASD CANADA, IN ADVANCE. G97~ We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation at cheaper rates thanany Amer- fean satirical paper published. JUDGE'S ACCIDENT INSURANCE. ‘The Jevoe's railway accident insurance scheme, the outlines of which are given on another page of this ieme, hab attracted the attention of the public to such an extent that we are flooded each week with letters congratulating us upon the idea or desiring infor- mation reganding the full scope of the policy. Some of our correspondents have thought that the Jcpor, following its natural inclinations, was formulating the groundwork fora huge Joke in thus relinquihing its title to five hundred cold dollars in the event of an accident to ‘one of Its readers while traveling on a railroad tratn, but the Jupor was never more serious In its life—and It can be superlatively so when it wants to. Its offer is made in the utmost ‘good faith, and if you don't believe it Just test the efficacy of the policy by getting yourself mangled. | You may not have occult proof of ita seriousness, but your family will It 18 UNDERSTOOD that the boodlers now in state prison respectfully but firmly decline a second term. THE TALK OF ASTATUE to Mr. Cleveland reminds us of that soul-stir- ring sentiment, ‘* Public office is a public bust.” ArtuuR RicHMonD was charged with being Gail Hamilton, and immediately turned his face to the wall and sobbed. HAVING MADE $1,000,000 within twelve months, R. P. Flower may be said to be one of the kind that blooms all the year round. THERE ARE TIMES when the absence of lynch law is a crime of itself; but they don’t appear to show themselves in Kentucky. ‘THE 81ZE OF THE SUNDAY PAPERS is increasing so fast that presently if one buys the World he must necessarily purchase the universe. ‘THEY HAVE BURIED John C. Calhoun again. It used to be thought that death was nullification to begin with, but you can’t always tell. ‘IT OUTSTRIPS THEM ALL,” says a rural contemporary of a leading so we take it that the leading daily has dressed itself for an evening party. THERE 18 ONE GOOD THING about the woman-suffrage conventions. They never have fights. They merely employ their time in threaten- ing to have them. GRANDMASTER PowDERLY says he must and will take a rest. A capital idea; and perhaps it will give the boys the opportunity to take a rest by going to work. Miss CHEESEBOROUGH MAKES Calhoun rhyme with bloom. It is an unpardonable mistake both as to the rhyme and the fact, and no amount of poetical license ean excuse it. IT PLEASES US MUCH to hear that John L. Sullivan is not combat- ive; yet we feel that it is wise to commend his ad- mirable article in a com- ing number of the Atlan- tic Monthly. IF ANYBODY KNOWS what has become of Mrs. James Brown Potter now is tne time to speak out; otherwise she may get so far out of sight that there will be no chance to re- cover her. and David Hill meet in New York there is such shopping as lifts the com- mercial world to its sev- enth pinnacle; but, curi- ously enough, there is no money to show for it. Wine-awage orricen—"T've got you now! Ain't, you the galoot that's been beatin’ the Bon Ton res: taurant out of those five-dollar table d° hote dinners!" A HALF CENTURY AGO it was considered a crime ‘A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY. in Turkey for women to know how to read. Now there is a dispo. itions of some proprietors of harems to bang the descendants of the men who taught them. In CaLiForsta, according to the Alta, dogs never have hydropho- bia. Nothing could better show the superiority of the climate of the state, excepting, perhaps, the assurance that it never has dogs. “LET YOUR HUSBAND have the last word once in a while,” somebody in giving advice to wives, Don't, dear. Give him t opportunity and the garrulous wretch will talk himself to death. HE WILL NOT BE PREMATURE. Colonel Dan Lamont might be expected to say something about his second term; and yet, as a wise man, he would hardly be apt to refuse or accept a thing of that kind until it was absolutely offered him. THE UNBIDDEN TEAR, The legislature of this state is devoted principally to weeping and oratory over departed friends. It has got rid of Arthur, Fenton and Tilden within a few days, and feels relieved; but there are six or seven others who will have to be re-deposited before the session is over, and meanwhile there isan overflow of regret that cannot be squenched. HENRY WATTERSON SAYS Grover Cleveland has discouraged the boys in the trenches. What are the boys in those damp and inconve- nient places for? There isn't going to be another rebellion, is there? THE WARS BETWEEN France and Germany now are very numerous but very brief, and all the fluid shed comes from the ink-bottles of the ensanguined editors and other statesmen of both countri This is not so exciting as the genuine article, but it does very well and it costs less. THE WAY IT WORKS. “No,” said the widow; ‘(I thank you kindly for your preference and fully appreciate it, but I think one term is sufficient.” * But,” said the suitor, ‘* have you considered that you owe something to me? Would you have me eke out a miserable existence merely to give you the retirement which, on the whole, you have no right to assume ?” “That is a view of the case which has not struck me,” was the thought- ful response. ‘‘ Perhaps I had better reconsider.” This w: sand years ago. The delightful creature has had two terms, and now her sense of duty induces her to yearn for still another, CoLonEL INGERSOLL Says no man can earn hundreds of thousands of dollars by any amount of industry or energy. The argument is, perhaps, that much of the hundreds of thousands must have been got improperly; and, speaking of that, what is the amount of the colonel’s accumulation and income? Mrs. ALEXANDER, late Miss Crocker, got $50,000 worth of jewelry from Mrs. Leland Stanford on her wedding day. The rewards of marriage are usually very great, but if they were generally as enor mous as this there is no one who wouldn't be willing to marry as often as three or four times a week. A GREAT INTELLECTUAL WEEK. Chauncey M. Depew was last week delivered of several of his set orations, nine afterdin- ner speeches, twelve im- portant decisions with regard to the Central, a Sunday-school address, column of advice to an organization of socialistic tendencies, a sermon to a young men’s Christian association, thirty-eight pages of an unannounced book, two topical songs and a few psalms, an elaborate reply’ to one of Bob Ingersoll’s attacks on the church, and six or eight swears at the same number of subordinates; and when he got through he said he felt just like being president of the United States. LET US THINK OP IT. Mr. Conkling’s desire for a “revival” of the Svspect.—"No, sir; this is the first time I've been out of the museum in three months. comicbooks.com