Judge — March 12, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sidpes A STAR. She is pretty, no doubt witty, yet alas! 1 do not know her; She can sing, no doubt, a ballad with a manner that’s perfec- tion, And with reference to the def- erence that with wil- lingness I show her, let me say that for her virtues I've a positive predilection. All the graces of the faces Z that I lauded in my tj heyday W777, Are presented in her gaze to my Yj artistic satisfaction; And I never, now or ever, in the glad- ness born of pay-day Dined or wined or spent my coin on such a superfine attraction; Yet the merry ps, the very sportive, gay and lively creature Exercised upon paper all her wondrous captivation, Where a print of gorgeous tint doth add a grace to every feature— She's the “star” upon a bill-board of a traveling combination. NATHAN M. LEVY, TWELVE REASONS WHY CELERY REQUIRES SALT. Itwas a class of young ladies from various of our principal cities, de, ina prominent seminary that might or might not be Vassar, and the examination was in writing. The question was, Why does the vegetable celery require so much more salt when it is eaten than any other ganlen product 7” And here are the answers: 1. Miss Cultura Bostoniensis—“ Because the atoms which enter into the composition of this representative of the genus apium gravo- A SUGGESTIVE HINT. DIGNITY. “Mr. Duffy, will you throw me the keys until I lave meself into the house?" “No, Mrs. Duffy, I'll not. Yez beat me an’ made me life a burden, 80 yez has; an’ from this time foorth I intind to assert me manhood !" lens have a repellent effect on any particles of saline matter that may y a contiguous proximity, and their non-compatibility produces a deprivation that can only be supplied by a subsequent manipulation in recepticale salis.” 2, Miss Patrissima Philadelphia--.‘‘ Because the ancestral plant did not have salt enough to transmit the flavor to the younger mem- bers of the family.” 3. Miss Putonairs Washingtona—“ Because it did not choose to absorb any salinity from the vulgar herd of particles in the surround- ing earth.” 4. Miss Interesta New Yorka—" Because the salt was squeezed out before it got in, like a Broadway dividend.” 5, Melle. La Fille de St. Louis—‘‘ Because whatever salt it had went somewhere else. 6. Miss Frigidus Montreal—“ It doesn't; frozen turnips take more 7. Miss Inahurria Chicagoana—‘‘Because it’s eaten before grown.” 8. Miss Stayathoma Cincinnatiensis—‘ Because it chose to go without.” 9. Miss Concisa Omaha—** Because it’s so fresh 10, Miss Contradicta San Francisca--‘* Because’ it doesn't.” 11. Miss Countriani Vermonti—* ‘Cause it's good.” 12, Miss Yankina Connecticuto—‘ Does it ?” OLD CHOCOLATE'S TARGET PRACTICE. Some Hit and Miss Shots, with Now and Then a Bull's-eye. A botch will offen do mo’ damage ina day dan a good wukman kin repa’ in a week. Ax de price in fo! co’nah groc'ries befo’ yo’ buy aigs. De toter ob coal mus’ buy a pow’ful lot ob soap ef he keeps ‘is trade a secret. De niggah dat ’s'pec’s fo’ toe hab de coon come an’ visit um am gwine toe eat ‘is hoe-cake widout sop. Yo" on'y please a dog ef yo" pelt um wid bones. Men am a good deal laik monkeys—de mo’ solemn da look de mo’ mischuf da intend. De beggah goes toe de back-do’ ‘case de servant ain't cz keerful cz de mastah wid de mastah’s goods, No one ull quar'l wid yo’ w'en yo" got a gun. De law seems too be de one lus needs mendin’. We erapt toe claim mo’ sense dan oddah animals, but am jis’ laik Ban-room LoareR—“ No, thanks. Uhave a pledge in my pocket. I've | chickens—toe foller any han’ dat scattahs cawn. sworn off.” eines AN CUSTOMER—"* Why, confound it! I didn't ask you to drink me.” Bak-noost Loaren—"I know; but if you did I'd be tempted ter break meoath, by gosh I would!” J. A, WALDRON, Ther’ is some men so alfired eggertistical that when they go to er funeral they git jealous ‘cause the folks pay so much attention to ther corpse.