Judge — January 29, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I know a maiden young and fair, Accomplished, rich and wise ; Connubial connoisseurs declare That she’s a peerless prize. E Her glances set my brain awhirl, Her smiles my senses stir; Yet, though she were the only girl, Td never marry her. I'd rather live a bachelor And die amid the din And strife of boarding-houses, for She plays® the violin! KRYS, *At least she tries to. SENSITIVE ABOUT WATER. First Kentuckian—" Where have you kept yourself in the last two months, James ¢ ‘cond Kentuckian—" Oh, I've been to Europe.” First Kentuckian—* Ah, indeed | Over the water, eh ?” Second Kentuckian—“T say, Dick, don’t put it that way.” IMPERILING VALUABLES. Wife-* Henry, didn’t I hear you bet your boots on the election with Squeers 7” i Husband—* es, my dear, I believe you did.” i Wife—* Welt, I'd like to know what I'm going todo for a seat to! Willie's pants.” “CAUSE FOR A CHANGE. | sighed an old maid, “ the age of chivalry is gone! Things ferent now from what they were when I was a girl.” Yes, the nineteenth century has brought some changes * Yes, are di a marvelous AT LIBERTY TO REPUDIATE IT. it to interview you forthe Howle: Allright, but I reserve the right to repudiate all you print about me.” Reporter—** Now, then, you're a poet 7” Mr, Lowell— * Yes.” | | THE SEA IS FULL OF THEM. LORD—* You say that all your sons were lost at sea?” NT—“ Ivery wun ov thim, sur; ivery wun !” Fat Lapy—* What advice would you give me, professor, ubout skating ?* Proressor—“ Why, lady, my advice is to keep off the ice.” ‘AS NEAR AS HE HAD. ‘Have you Rabelais ?” asked a lady in a bookstore. “No, ma'am,” was the reply, ‘but we have the stenographer’s report of the Colin Campbell divorce case.” WON'T DRAW ANY MORE, “Has the prince of Wales ever run after you ?” asked a manager of an imported actress. “No,” was the regreteful reply, ‘but my name has been coupled with those of a duke and two lords.” “T'm afraid,” said the manager, shaking his head, ‘that I can’t offer you any inducements. ‘The lord business has become socommon that the American public has drawn the line at the prince of Wales.” REFLECTIONS OF A TRAMP. Dress me in purple and fine linen and I would pass for the king. A beautiful sunset has no charm fora man who has had nothing ,| to eat all day. NOT SUCH A GREAT WONDER. DASHINOTON Tsaw the most wonderful thing at the theatre last LaxpLorp—* How many did you have?* Texant—" Wun, sur, an’ he was me son-in-law by me first husband.” night. A Hindoo juggler raised a mango tree from nothing but the seed.” Bitxins—“ Pshaw! that's nothing, me boy. My wife raises Cain every night from: less than that.”