Judge — January 1, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sage: 5 “DEM PO" SKEE'D SHEEP.” An Old Fable Retold. Da’ wuz oncet er flock ob skee'd sheep whut “down enter de ribbah ‘n drownded. I » weddah dem sheep wuz ob de one kin’ I dunno weddah dem sheep wuz —weddah dey wuz shea’d er on- shea'd -hongery er fat; dunno nuffin ‘bout dem sheep ‘cepp'n dis: Dem sheep—eb’ las’ one «wuz drownded, 'n dis de way et happen. . De he sez, sezze—kin’ a-soshble-like, sezzee et’ de ma’ket t'day, Mars Fahinah ¢” .." cz Mars Fahmah, “ain't a-gwine.” mn cu’ous t’ know fo! why; ‘low'd da’ wuz uch dus’? sez Mars dut er de udda r brac ente de deepes’ cat-fish hole en de ribbe’. °N dat whut Mars Fahimah git fer a-tell’n’ dat fool ya'n t’ dem po! skee'd shee} THE TALE OF JACOB AND RACHEL. A prominent New York journal recently had the following item: “The clergy of Washington continue to denounce the kissing habit. "Have the worthy reverends forgotten the case of the good man | grew up and took pi Jacob. who was so delighted when kissed by |is usual in such cases, Rachel that he lifted up his eves and wept.” had some muscle, and sense enough to resent the indignity, and the presumption is that she fetched a first class right-hander across his face, and made the tramp see stars, It must have hurt, for “he lifted up his voi in other words, he yelled. The blow smarted, for it brought the tears. Rachel then went home and told her father, who was the ‘squire for that region. He took the matter in hand and the result was that Jake was sentenced to four- teen years’ hard labor. Meanwhile Rachel y on and married him, as tis very evident that the esteemed New York paper has no bible in Not so. Rachel did not kiss Jacob, and Jacob! its office. “right sma't showe’ jes’ fo" day.” Ole ram ‘low'd mebbe dat showe’ lay de dus’ too much? Mars Fahmah shake he head ‘ns rad en prime cun- dish’n 1 time look’n_vely_mys-le- ous. Et las’ de ole ram he up’n ai k’plump, fo’ agwine? yo" mus’ Ly sight ob wolfs, I's rvally Yfea'd ef I temp’ t? v yo t) ma’k dem wolfs ‘n hoofs —’n 'sde troof! Des week one ob nabe's wuz a- druv'n ob de nices’ passel obsheep—mos’ see dem woods jes behine de furdes’ co'n-fiel’ obe” yan ? Yes, on de lef’. Dem’s de woods. Yes-sah, dem’s de woods— right da’! Well, sah, Miste’ Ram, sca’cely mo'n ez fer ez a run- n'n’ jump fum de fus’ pos’’n rail fence, on de off side ob de road—n en broad day, min’ yo'— (Well! yo" shed a- seen de ole ram’s eyes; dey wuz mos’ ridiculous, WHY NOT? ;@ Wire“ Why, Clarence ! what under the sun have you on your head? You look Hvspanp—“ Do 1? Well those infernal turkey feathers on your hat make you look soout- rageously tall and me so ridiculously short that I had to do it for self-protection ; besides * combines the useful with the ornamental.” GENERALLY THE CASE. divine judg- ment upon us for sins?” asked Mrs. Cobwigger, rather skeptically, “Undoubtedly He does, my dear,” an: swered the penitent * Cobwigger. “In what way, may I ask?” she anxionsly inquired. “By always mak- ing it slippery on New-year,” chuck- led the old man, FULL FLEDGED, ence have you aga gauger ?” asked aminer of a candi- date, “Well,” was the reply, ‘I made one hundred calls on New-year and I sampled the liquors wherever T went.” DIDN'T KHOW THE CLOTH. “However did you get the heels all seraped off your shoes ?” asked Cora. “1 ata to bogganing party last night,” replied Mamie. “And didn’t you know what to do with your fect ?” “Why, of course a-popp'n’ out). ‘Den. whut?” he say, a-trembel’n’ like de agy; “den whut?” Den whut!” sez Mars Fah- mah, * nebbe yo’ min’ whut. I’s done tol’ yo’ ‘n Lain’ a-gwine t’ tell yo’ no mo’, 'n I wine t’ no ma'ket tday; no siree! ‘spech'ly ’s I's got some plowin’ t’ do.” An’ ‘way he goes a-laugh’n’ t’ hese'l fit t kill. Well, de ole ram, he sez, a-tu'n'n’ t’de sheep, ‘Dom wolfs mighty bad! Dey am big’ 'm hongery; ’n like ez not dey come a- n’ up yer wen Mars Fahmah a-snooz’n’ obe’ dis yer fence! Run! run!” so dey did; dey run'd. Dem po’ skee'd tuk right afte’ de ole ram, dey did, 'n dey run'd,'n run’d, 'n run‘d tel dey fotch up k’chug! did not lift up his eyes and weep. The story as told in Genesis 29, 12, is, “‘ And Jacob kissed Rachel and lifted up his voice and wept.” The truth of the matter was, Jacob was a stranger in the land, a tramp, and came up to the well, where a lot of hired men were watering stock. He saw a girl approaching, and began asking the men questions about her, presumably as tramps do now. The fellows were only com- mon herdsmen, or else wanted some fun, and led him on. Rachel came to get a pitcher of water, and Jacob began to talk with her in a very familiar vein, and when he got near enough he very insolently finished up his taffy by deliberately kissing her. But Rachel ' I did” was the scornful response; “* but the gentleman in front of me was a min- ister, and I thought he might be offended if I put them up in his lap.” THE REASON WHY. “This diary is only ruled out for January,” said a gentleman in a book-store. “Yes,” replied the stationer; ‘our experi- ence in the business has taught us that no one ever gets beyond the first month.” New-year is a good time to flirt, but it doesn't amount to much if you wish to put in any solid courting.