Judge, 1886-12-25 · page 5 of 27
Judge — December 25, 1886 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes poverty and economic hardship among working-class immigrants during what appears to be the late 19th century. The main cartoon, "Staggered," depicts a young newsboy named Johnny in desperate circumstances—worn boots, tattered clothes held by a single suspender, coughing from illness. He's cynical about Santa Claus, having received nothing for two years. The satire centers on a German immigrant saloon-keeper (Strauss) who stages a Christmas party for poor children, attempting to restore their hope and joy. The poem that follows, "A Laugh Was Better As a Groan," reinforces the message that laughter and kindness are more valuable than material goods, even for the desperately poor. The heavy German dialect and caricatured immigrant speech patterns reflect period attitudes toward German immigrants, while the overall narrative advocates for human compassion toward the impoverished—a progressive message for Judge's satirical approach to social issues.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“STAGGERED. “Oh Lord! the old man skipped and mother got the cough. , The kids used ter hang up their stockings. It was jolly, but I'll bet yer they kin empty ‘em without a derrick dis year,” and Johnny looked | sadly at his papers and coughed hoarsely. | Johnny was in a sad state for winter. His toes were visible through a large pair of worn- out boots. His trousers were drawn up so strenuously by one prominent suspender that he looked as though he were in process of splitting by a buzz saw. He had that preco- cious look of anxiety found on juvenile face: only in the metropolis, and which are the log- ical explanation of the low life rates of the | great insurance companies. “Proberly, Chonny, you vas a ognastic apoud Santa Claus,” and Strauss looked sheep- ishly at the ceiling. T never seed him, and I don’t care wot you ‘one else thinks. Dats fer little kids. I if they is any Santa Claus he has his beat like a perleece, fer he ain't beeu my way fer two years,” and Johnny smiled scornfully. nta Claus vas goin’ to holdt a reception | unt a select barty under der auspices off Low- eesa Strauss unt der shildren after I close der saloon, Swartz unt Hofensack unt Chonny Connolly vas invited,” and Strauss commenced to let down the curtains and lock up. The two veterans smiled like the liege subjects they were, and Johnny laid his papers on the bar ited furtherdevelopments. The rotund form of the immortal German bard disappeared through the green baize door into the inner sanctuary of the dwelling. In about ten min- utes the door was thrown open and the trio of candidates for further light in the mysteries of Christen were ushered into a real blaze of glory. touched the ceiling and was all aflame with tiny wax candles, which brought into prom- inence a score of glittering and gorgeous gifts. | Loweesa and the three smiling children sat in | arow. The invited guests found seats around the room, and were scarcely seated when Santa | Claus entered by the way of the back door. A shout of joy went up from the children. John- uy noted the fact that the patron saint of | how that frightened me.” Christinas was short and fat, and wore a long white cotton beard and a wig of white excel- sior surmounted by a fur cap. His garb was a large ulster of buffalo skin, and on his feet he wore rubber boots. . Santa Claus spoke as follow: “Min veleome breparat due obser! frients, I nn to dese s for der | nce off a is Dutcher nor noodle soup, that’s what,” said Johnny to him- self. “1 shall recite ye a leedle broverb song vas called A LAUGH VOS BEDDER AS A GROAN. Ven on der sdreet 1 valks at night, I nodis on each house I pass | Der curtained vindows safes der light Fon shining outside mit der glass. But fon some vindows light vas shined Along der grooked pavement stones Dot seems to said to all mankind, “Von laugh is vort a hundert groans.” Unt so some fellows | dot I meet, Dem alvays got der curtain down; Dey shedsno lamplight on der sdreet, | But meets der public mit a frown. | Dot's alvays shady vere dey valk, Mrs. KI.LeHan. | Dot makes nooralgy in der bones, Unt py mineself I shtop unt talk, “A laugh is vort a hundert groans.” You got hot boxes on der cars Pecause dot oil vas gettin low, Unt cruel vorts vus makin’ scars Vile shmiles vould made their faces glow. Dey saidt der shtars got alvays vhirled By dose addractions dot dey owns, In any market in der vorldt “A laugh vas vort a hundert groans.” UE I goes oudside on der sdreet Unt groans yoost like a shackass bray, Den effery fellow dot I meet Shtop oop his ears unt runs avay. But uf I got some leedle choke Dem fellows laughs unt shakes deir bones, Py chiminy, you hear me shpoke ! “A laugh vas vort a hundert groans,” Der piggest fool vas efer porn Ho got a shance to make folks cry, He needn't vent to school to learn Nor vait oxperiments to try. For drouble dot vas alvays roundt Unt nefer sdrikes in all dese years, Unt dis, mine frient, you alvays found “A shmile vas vort a hundert tears.” A tousand years ago some mans He somedings done dot makex men veep, Unt efer since folks got a shanc Dey curse der blace dot fellow shleep. Anunder fellow somedings said, So funny dot der whole vorldt gaia A tousand years since he goes tead Dot choke vas in der hapers peen. SARCASM. Kiizuax—“I wan him to Brogan’s roftie, Katy.” “Is thot so? KiLieHaN—“ Phwhat kege?” Mrs, KILLEHAN—“ Sure Oi t'ought it wuz a canary burrod yez had.” Phere’s the cage?