Judge — December 25, 1886 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Smif might jis’ ez laikly try fo’ toe shoo a lebben months ole chicken back intoe de shell ez toe ‘pen’ on loafin' all summah an’ fall an’ den libbin’ on de fat ob de lan’ at dis unclement time ob y’ar. Gem'n, de dog wid no bone musn’ try fo’ toe scratch up ‘quaintance wid de dog w'at’s gnawin’ one. Yo heah me ?” Here the homily was interrupted by many an approving ‘Sho'ly,” andthe apple juice again swung around the circle. By accident or design the pitcher was emptied before Sleepwell could look into it. With a snort he loudly remarked that he ** wudn’ ‘soshate no mo’ wid niggahs dat added insult toe inj'y,” and slunk out swiftly. The more haste in this instance proved the greater speed, for the single word “‘niggahs” roused ire and razors. “Nebbah min’, gem’n,” suggested Old Chocolate in a tone of peace. ‘* Let de inkewbus remobe hisse’f widout molest. "Case Mistah Smif am brim-full ob gall a’n’t no ‘scuse fo’ us gittin’ souah. Less suckemnavegate roun’ once mo’ toe de queschun ob C'rismus. Human nacha am haadah toe beat dan a straight flush. C’rismus ull bring out yo’ strong an’ weak p'ints ez distinkly ez a bile on de neck. Now yo’, Pennyr’yal, o’ny had toe pu'chase dat po'us plastah toe probe dat you am ez smaat ez a pol'tishen. Yo’ ole woman, ten chances toe one, ‘specks a paa ob prunelle ga'tahs, red gloves, er a bonnet dat ud out- shine de rainbow fo’ a present. Yo" hab in min’ huh stich in de side, make a virtue ob necess'ty, an’ cash de stitch an’ bring down C'rismus at one fell swoop. Double, dar, had bo't ‘is kid a jewshaap, wen I'll gam'le dat de boy a'nt got a stockin’ toe ‘is foot an’ ull laikly hang up a salt bug ez a receptickle on de chimbly. Ez fo’ Seventhday Jenkins, ing at the negro with the green shade, who was called ‘‘Sev- because he always postponed his woodchopping until Sunday) “the laikly got dem peanuts ‘case he o’ny had ten cents an’ wanted toe make ez big a show wid de chillen ez de fund ud ‘low. An’ dis gem'n wid de rollah skates took 'vantage ob de weakness ob de m: castin’ up de doctah’s bill dat ull stare 'im in de face fo’ his little girl gits de w'eels on her huffs. Nebbahdeless, zem'n "—and | the oracle beamed on his hearers like a dollar-store window—“ nebbab- | deless, yo’ gif’s ull draw ez much happiness toe de surface toe de squah inch ez dough yo’ war wuff milyons an’ had toe hiah a truck toe tote um in.” J. A. WALDRON, A NATURAL MISTAKE, A little tot who saw a man with a big bag on his back leaving something ut every house went up to him and said : “Are you Santa Claus ?” “No,” was the reply; ‘Im the postman,” A BIG IMPROVEMENT. “T thank God,” said Mrs. Malaprop, ‘that my daughter isn't like most of the rude girls of thisage, who are so immodest that they let the gentlemen kiss them in an open parlor just because there's a bit of | evergreen hanging over them.” | “What!” said Mrs. Merritt, ‘didn’t she use any mistletoe ?” “Yes,” was the reply; ‘but she hung it up behind the door.” THE COUNTRYMAN AND THE CITY NUISANCE. “Come on, Cynthia we'll show these air city people how to git over a! ‘cross-bar’ fence.” | jto-night,” said Cora in a confidential tone. A YOUNG LADY’S TOILET. When she rises in the inorning And prepares to go down-town, All her showy dresses scorning. She puts on a walking gown. By that prettiest of dresses Her fair neck is not displayed ; She ne'er modesty transgresses When in that she is arrayed, For the afternoon arraying She's more dressy than before, Which betokens she's displaying Of her neck a little more. For, as clothing grows expensive, From the top it aye comes down, And the one that’s least extensive Is the very sweetest gown. When in full dress she's attired ‘You will find her clothing less, For, whatever is required, It is never height of dress. It is odd sho calls this dressing; Let us hope it all is o'er, For ‘twill really be distressing If she dresses any more. ELLIOTT FLOWER. IN ANOTHER LIGHT, “My dear,” said a pious mother to her young hopeful, ‘I trust you have taken to heart the great moral lesson this day teaches. Have youdone your best to fulfil the duties required of you 2” “Yes, ma,” was the reply; ‘I've just finished the mince pie.” GUARDING AGAINST CONTINGENCIES. “I've hung up my two stockings,” said a little girl as she kissed her mother good night. “* Are you afraid that one wouldn't hold the doll that Santa Claus is going to bring you ?” asked her mother in a sly way. “Tt isn't that, ma,” slowly said the little reasoner; ‘‘ but I thought perhaps I may have twins this year.” SHE HAD HER DOUBLE. “T must save a piece of this wedding cake to put under my pillow “T want to see if I'm really going to marry Mr. Merritt.” “ And do you honestly believe that will make you dream of your future husband ?” asked the more skeptical Mamie. “Why, of course I do,” was the reply.‘ However, perhaps I had better take just another piece of that mince pie.”