Judge — November 6, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OF RED DOG. WHEN William” Sikes went into Isaachsteen Stupplebeen’s pawn-shop and said he wanted to re- deem his ulster, the hawk- nosed clerk let fall *‘The Mystery of the Stolen Sache; or All for Him: self.” “ My ulster, the mauve- hued ulster with smoked pearl buttons, I want want it bad too. Going down to Red Dog to open a newspaper office,” William’s voice when he wasn't agitated was as| mild as a cooing dove's; but when he was warmed up with some of the latent Misfortune comes not without a reward. never annoyed by the brain-racking, ear- piercing thrumming on the heat superinduced by co- |Piano by the unmusical girl in the adjoining room, REMINDERS OF HOME. BY KRYS. LESTE, piano-pounder, Was torturing the keys, When in a stranger walked and said, “Excuse me, if you please ; “ But I, alas! am homesick, And when I heard the din Of crashing hammers, blow cn blow, I thought I'd venture in, “«I pray you keep on pounding. I wish you would not stop. It makes me feel less lonesome, for Town a blacksmith shop.” A deaf and dumb man is N pious draughts of budge, his bazoo was an car-drum warper, a screecher. “IT haf a nodshon dose vas dose ulsters, aind dot f” sweetly said the clerk as he hauled down a rolled-up bundle from the upper shelf. ‘Well, you are right. Say, see here, my angel! this coat is full of moths,” cried Wil- liani, as he shook out the prized garment. A tired look came over the clerk’s features. It sounded like an old story to him, and he wearily said, “Vell, vot you oxpecdt, ganary | se “Canary birds, you howling dervish! No;| you get no pay this time, my gentle-voiced warbler. Good day.” | ‘And before the amazed clerk could hap over thecounter William Sikes had jumped on a pass- ing car and was two blocks away. And that is how William Sikes came by the name of Canary Bill. He took the first train out of Denver and sped as rapidly as steam would take him to- ward Red Dog. Red Dog was in its bud and sap when Canary Bill struck it. Bill saw at. once that there were two openings presented to him—a newspaper or the church. He had| had expérience in the newspaper business, but| knew he could run a church. He tackled the church. It was a new thing to the boy: their money upon the plate when Bill waltzed and they patronized the church and piled up down through the aisles. Pretty soon Canary Bill felt the pangs of conscience strike him. He was not a bad man at heart and knew it was wrong for him to sail under false colors. So, one Sunday when the church was full, he got up in the pul- pit and said: “ Gents, I can't stand this thing any longer. Thaint a preacher. I'monly a poor lost sheep, like the rest of you. I'm ‘shamed of myself. I've hired a preacher, a genuine white choker, to come up and do the thing square by you. As for me, I'm going back into my old trade| and I hope I'll see you all at my ranch.” ‘And when the new preacher came Canary Bill was hanging from the end of a rope. Reason—stole a mouse-colored mule. H, 8. KELLER, OLD CHOCOLATE’S TARGET PRACTICE. Hit and Miss Shots, with Now and Then a Bullseye, De bes' apples offen fall toe de pigs. Gib a pig cawn an’ he'll grunt fo’ bran. A padlock am safah dan countin’ yo’ hens. Eberybody yells fo’ justice, but who wants it? Dar may be no sich ting ez luck ; but how | hi “Sevea up.” AUTUMN SPORTS. is it dat 'Rastus gits outen de mellen patch safe an’ Sambo am hel’ by de dog ? Yo! mus’ coax an ugly dog ef yo' a’n't got a club. De cat dat licks de plattah a’n’t toe be trusted wid meat. Yo! laik toe cast yo" line wha’ yo’ nabah has cotched fish, Bashfulness at dinnah time lays up an appetite fo’ suppah. Dar's no disgrace in a ragged coat, but hit a'n’t de bes’ recomme: Ef de dog didn’ t'ink dar war suffin’ toe be got by hit he wudn’ wag his tail. De herrin’, ef yo’ is got an appetite, ama sweetah mo'sel dan quail on toas’ ud be wid de dyspepsha. J. A, WALDRON. GETTING ON NICELY, “*You don’t have any fun at all,” said the slipper to the corset. ‘I do nothing but dance every night.” “Don't have any fun !” echoed the forty- eight-inch corset. “‘ Why, my dear, I’m on a big bust nearly all the time.” comicbooks.com