Judge — September 25, 1886 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mapes Tl LAST BATHER AT CONEY ISLAND. | gagement to lecture until a friend gave him a sates | hint. He donned a bad-fitting English-made suit of clothes, studied to drop his h’s, learned to say “Aw !" and “ You know,” and carried everything before him. The thoughts that arise in me. IT PUZZLED HIM. Magistrate —" You are accused of keeping a dog without a license Owner—“ Well, but, yer honor, the dog never had a license.” He has sold so much wind for beer. Magistrate—*Then you will be compelled to take out one for him now.” Owner—“1 don't believe the dog cares whether he has a license or not.” Magistrate—Well, but I do.” And a heavy excursion train, | Owner—*' I can't for the life of me see why Break, break, bre: | you take such an interest in my dog.” O, well for the bath-house man, He has rented his suits so dear ; O, well for the jerker of lager, « And the stately ships go by With a coolness that gives me pain ; But 0 for the sound of the vanished band It’s a pretty bad break I see— | DECLINING YEARS. But the tender grace of a day that is dead | ‘The man was old, the maid wa Wil! never come back to me. TENNY'S SON, He wooed the The man was rich, but poor “Come, share my opulenc “ Though I have reached declining years, Yet your sweet youth shall know no tears, But brightly pass in softest ease, If to be mine your heart decrees, Then give to me your bonny self, And take my station and my pelf !" The damsel coldly shook her head. “The 1 you deign to woo,” she said, ** Is not so She too has reached declining. MRS, GEORGE ARCHIBALD, A woman's leg is no longer than a man’s, “Td like to know when you are! wina ~Zi guard looking out for) ““"G, Bocgcrt Toturt Soar, little bill of mine.” , ers : instructions from her ston, wlth frge fre Debtor —"* See here, I'm not going into any|ma: “Now Ne when the bell _ detail with you regarding my private affairs.” | rings—ifit’s a y' you go right Fr GROW: THERE, into the parlor, gently on the} BUT THEY DON'T GROW THERE. |pianner as if you was of a poe Miss De Garmo—*Oh, by the way, Mr.|temper, Young men likes it. Then I'll Peyster, perhaps you can tell me where limes! go inter the kitehen, and send Jane to} come from.” the door with the rolling-pin in her Mr. Peyster—* Well, Miss De Garmo, jnand, and she'll apologize for her looks, T have ever seen have come from the grocery and say that the other gal is out, and} stores. — she was just busy making pies. That'll BUT HE COULDN'T WEAR IT. fetch him, I guess. Customer—* How much are your fifteen A BELATED SHOCK. and a half collars?” | | — . Furnishing-goods dealer—“Thirty cents”) ‘* Did you feel the earthquake ? Customer—" Well, I have but twenty-five) ‘” Yes. very distinct] ; t hour bout eight o'clock the next morn- r—Tean give you) i = ight o'clock the next morning ¢) SHE IS SAFE. | Why it took place in the night.” “It's terribie,” said one lady toanother while!‘ Yes, yes. That's true enough. But) discussing the matrimonial squabbles of an-|I felt it the next morning when I read other, We marry one nd our husbands the newspapers.” j overwhelm us with love and affection. The} 5 next they want a divorce. Not mine. No JME PROOF, ESTEE FUDDING. indeed, my dear! not mine. All my property|“ What is the saddest thing on earth?” is settled on mysel asked Angeli (OR STAND IN DANGER OF HIS LIFE. The boarding-house comedian,” said - Nokes. Theatrical manager—*I have just received | °5 PS ba The this play from an unknown author, who sa: he will call around this afternoon for my answer. It's a miserable play. Assistant—Great Scott! that’s the Texas playwright’s writing as sure as you're born.” THE WAY TO SUCCEED. Theatrical manager—* Well, I suppose I've — got to take it then.” Bapps says that though he is artist, a good writer and an attractive] Apples are high at present: but there is likely to be ; : lecturer, he could not se!l a picture, get a sudden drop in this commodity, when there will Lea There was a flag of distress flying at Mrs.|a story or play accepted, or an en-| howl from the apple-gatherer. ircus-clown,” said Stokes. “Chestnut,” said Rokes. “ The conundrun nd,” said Bokes: and then silence gave consent.