Judge — September 25, 1886 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FIRST ROAD-POU SECOND ROAD- FIRST ROAD-POUNDE "Tis goin’ fer ter be ike stone-bruise fit ter kill me, an’ Aleck of Bulgaria wuz bounced yisterday, They a hard winter fer us tramps, Jen ‘tched stealin’ milk ‘k, I've got a no livin’ nowa Judge’s Charge. TO A RETIRED CITIZEN. | If Mr. Jaehne knows when he is well off he will stay in Sing Sing prison. He only an aldermanic thief but acheap th and a fence for thieves, and if he be released now he will be sent up for so long that he won't be able to get out to attend his own funeral. Then, too, it is really respectable in Sing Sing, Henry. There are so many of the boys who are roaming around without being watched t! liberty has come to be something of a hun tion, You just serve out your term, Henry. Therein is wisdom that is as valuable as boodle itself. ‘as not - = | EGGS IS EGGS. Our benevolent contemporary, the World, scooped what is called the deck in its report of the’ yacht contest. Afterward Mr. Pulitzer| was introduced to Lieutenant Henn, and the} latter said, “I didn’t quite catch the name.” | ** Pulitzer!” said Joseph with emphasis. “Well, sir,” said the lieutenant, blushing h embarrassment, “you needn't be so pro- nounced in your explanation. I suppose you are just as nice as if you were full-grown. | Come in and take en egg. president than this. He is apparently the pot- hunter of the rod. He entices tront with the devices of a ruffian. He would have a buck driven up to him and properly secured, that he might cut its throat lil ordinary butcher. He would slaughter birds by the dozen after enticing them by unfair means into his net. Did he never hear of flies? Is it not insult to the gamiest and best of fish to meet them with the small art of the unconsid- erate small boy ? Did he never study the hab- its of trout sufficiently to lure them with imi- tation of grasshopper or the flashing lightning of the summer evening that is rudely sup- posed to be flying bug, dropping the same lightly on the water and thereafter playing his catch to the frying-pan with keener enj ment than the pan itself can bring? Fishing for trout with worms! By heavens, he must be troubled with them! A man who would do that would go to sea in a stoneboat and call it yachting. He would look up to the stars! and talk pork. He would consult oracles to find the changes in stocks, Some day there will be retribution. the No man | the topmost twig thereof. who fishes for trout with worms can hope to) escape the wrath to come. THE BELL The wit that is supposed to lie in the inven- there were any commandments at all. It will presently be asked, ‘What are the seven abominations of the world ?” and there will be no utterance by the bell, because it knows, nd what a world that is !—that they are all comprised in the blank cartridge, the ningless, non-explosive, wet powder that alled the chestnut, and that has lately taken to itself a bell. It used to be supposed—in the days when mankind gave meaning with wit, and point with humor, and substance with badinage— that heads were not necessarily cuffed apeak |for the purpose of exhibiting them as new de- signs in pine-apple; but it takes a senseless and soulless nothingat this stage of the progress to create amusement, and if the vacant stare of un- gratified expectation turns itself to the blank- ness of despair, as if one had been studying up me-table or trying to follow the idiosyncracies of his neighbor's mother-in-law— “ Tinkle—tinkle!” Was that the clock ? is really not too much to suppose that It lies not so largely in the man as in nut bell— “Rerring! rerrrin the clock, anyhow ? The court bethinks itself at this moment of What's got into | the several chapters of Revelations— © Beu-rer—u-er—u-rr!” Of life and death, and rest of the sublime jokes th ttend the— bs ick, click! C-1-l-ing, e-I-l-ing !” If the janitor doesn't know enough to put that soul-sickening intruder out this court is unavoidabl journed. n and the al Dow is one of those men who think it is wise to chop down the tree in order to get at He recalls the man who sawed off the branch on which his worth- A war-map of this joke will be given on the|tion called the chestnut bell is not inspiring. front page of the World next week. Any fool can use theinstrument, and such a per- te —— | son will use it eventually to his own destruction. EVEN THE WORM WILL TURN. |'Thus the question may be, ‘How many are The president uses only worms for bait in| there of the ten commandments?” and the) fi a great scarcity of small coin through- fishing for trout. NYS ‘ ti The We had hoped for a better! fool will not ring because he never heard that , out the country.—N. Y. Sun, comicbooks.com