Judge — September 4, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SurTn— By jingo, give him a little surprise in p ere’s Jones! TM just It wasn't Jones; it was Patsy Maguffin from Slug- gersville, who was on a visit to the city: Suri passing.” clothing store. You know clothes in his store until the: and fixes them over to sell. by Abraham that he gives i thing he do this and still make moni If you can answer th harder ones to give you next time. If your wife asks what you think of another woman, remember that comparisons make more tro favorable to herself. PITY ‘TIS TRUE. “What do you think of the American working- man, my dear?” asked Mrs: Brown, trying to please her husband. by making him think she took an interest in current affairs. “T think he is trying to become like a clock,” chuckled Brown. “You aregetting funny, ain't you?” sneered his better half; but, becoming | curious, she added, “ But what do you mean any- how ?” “He's like a clock, my dear, because he wants to| strike every hour.” | SMALLEST ON RECORD. “A couple of cranks had acase in court to-day all about a matter of three cents,” said a lawyer. “The costs are running up into the thousands as neither will give in. It is about the smallest suit I ever heard of.” “You probably haven't seen the latest style of fem- inine bathing suit,” dryly remarked his friend. gain swears by Abraham that he giv more for it than you could get anywhere else. Mr. Editor, how can he what I mean by that? He doesn’t keep the ¥ become second-hand, but he buys old duds Now, when he sells anything he swears it away for nothing ; and when he bu a hundred per cent. said an old stazer toa new al ya matter of courtesy.” y? questions, Mr, JupGE, I have a couple LITTLE JOHNNY. ronizing reply. ‘‘But I soon found it got A VALUABLE. HINT. “T wish [had my wife under uble than a mother-in-law unless they are must have made a mistake! In fact, I'm quite convinced T hav OFFER NO TEMPTATION. married man, “ let me give you Never invite your minister to dinner on Sunday.” “Why not?” increduously asked the simple benedict. “Itis “That's what I thought when I was as green as you,” was the pat- the old gentleman into the of | habit of calling on week days when I was away from home.” uch finediscipline as you have yours ighed a henpecked husband to his next-door neighbor. “Ever since I was married Ihave had to get up and prepare the breakfast, year in WORSE THAN EVER. L oe a NERVOUS OLD GENT—“‘Stop ! don't you know better than to point that shot-gun at me, you fool?” BRIGHT CoUNTRY Boy—‘‘ What's ther matter with yer? That ain't noshot gun—that’s arifle.” and year out.” “You have been an old fool then,” — replied his wiser friend. ‘All. you have to do is to begin start- ing the kitchen fire with kerosene, and you will soon find your wife out of bed every morning before the cock crows.” RS, PUGWASH'S SAYINGS, Advice to a Newly-Married Man, Be your wife's lover as long as you can, Some girls make better lovers than wiv When married it isn’t so hard to get rich as to keep rich, Remember that wife is generally makes her. man’s what he The temper of some women will rise quicker than yeast. Keep the fortune-teller and the female doctor out of the house. The real married life doesn't begin until the honeymoon is over. J, J, O'CONNELL, comicbooks.com