Judge — September 4, 1886 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SKIMILK ENLIGHTENED ON CONEY ISLAND. “ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE.” There was a young woman of Worcester, Who never could think what indorcester To blush and look shy When her lover was nigh, As if his mere presence conforcester. A noodle who never can laugh When his friends give him innocent chaugh Should be sent out to grass, That all who may pass Can see he’s no more than a caugh. There was an old man with a queue, Whose relatives mai o-dueue Because of his ha But he bade them beware For in future he meant to wear teue. There was a Foung He made it by scooping the deque. When asiced if he cared How the poor Irish fared, He promptly replied, “* Not a speque.” n with a Cheque. GLUCK. ONLY PREJUDICE. “There must be some harm in tobacco, my'| dear,” said a lady to her agnostic husband, “or else so many of the clergy would never be opposed to it.” “That doesn’t prove anything,” was the) convincing reply. ‘Because none of these | men who are opposed to tobacco ever use it themselves.” WHAT'S MINE'S MINE. you've struck a big prize in the! gentleman to a rabid social Sr stuppose you will share it with a friends 2" “Not a bit of it,” was the reply. workingman, and the divvy applies to bloated bondholders.” “Tm al system only WANTED A BETTER SHOW. 'S no enterprise about religion in ys," said a minister from the wild ““Here Iam summoned to appear be- fore the conference just because I tried to boom business by “ There’ these day west. reduced fees for the summer.” advertising marriages at WORSE THAN WHISKY, “Doctor,” said a distressed wife, my husband is dy ing him pledge ¢” ‘He has consumption, ma'am, without a \doubt,” returned the doctor, ‘and will prob- ably never see his fortieth year. But if he begins taking temperance drinks he won't “Tfeel that dd that whisky is kill- Can’t you induce him to sign the ENGLISH, YOU KNOW. “Whatever could have possessed you to tell Lond Lewdville that I was married?” chidingly exclaimed a young lady who was summering jat Newport. ‘IT was just getting up a most lovely flirtation with him.” “T noticed it, my dear,” replied her mother, “and told him so to help you along. He is an Enghsh nobleman, you know, and would never think | of making love to you unless he supposed you were a ried woman.” nshuns. Darn if they PAT'S WAY OF BATHING, “How is it you are not in bathing?” asked Smithers, meeting his friend, McGinnis, | on the beach at Coney Island. “Faith,” replied McGinnis good naturedly, “Oi’ve bin at it sense Oi cum down. Whiniver O: go in bathin’ Oi toike a sun-bath becaus’ Oi've | the rheumatiz so bad Oi'm afraid of gittin’ wit.” A GOOD REASON. Maroaret (whose beau is in the cavalry)—‘‘ Mrs. Ogden, Corporal Williams wants to know whether you would ob; to his coming oftener than once a week? You see, m I shine up his sword and buttons with Sapolio, and inspection comes very frequently now, ma'am.” WHAT IS SAPOLIO? {htSundey "Wolase stn vate ta Want will apm maa Why ie writ clean pant Joke right, and give the floors tables and ahelv wilt ‘at an ‘prove all we nay. except tc cloths y5u ean scour the knives and forks with It.and make the tin things ahine. brightly. ‘kreaxy kitchen sink will be as clean as anew pin If you use Sapoli, cake will on tn mn He a clever Uitte housekeeper and try tt.” Beware of imitations. There is but one Sapollo. comicbooks.com