Judge — August 14, 1886 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Aiage- HE'S A ACTOR. When the weather is fair His absence is rare From Union square, For he’s a actor. His hat is so shiny it must have been oiled, His Prince Albert coat three sizes too small, His nose is so red it must have been boiled, And his trousers don’t fit bim at all. He's fond of milk punches, He works the free lunches— To dinner will always agree. He eats everything The waiter may bring, For he's a actor, @ actor, you see. His walk is peculiar, a song and dance stride ; His voice is exceedingly loud. “When I was with Booth “It was me that drew all the crowd.” But you know very well That he is a sell And on a stage never could be. Though he talk the “legit,” He can't act a bit, For he's a actor, a actor, you see. CHIP, an DISCOURAGED PUGILIST (mournfully) —“ Der| de perfesh’, Blest ain't nuthin’ doin’ now ef I won't hey ter git in on de statooery biz.” he says with much} (pride, | NO MISTAKE THERE. Some one was convers- ing with a celebrated phys- ician who made the treat- ment of the insane a spec- | ialty. . “It must annoy you | sometimes,doctor, to think that you may inadvert- ently make mistakes.” | “Not at all, my dear | sir—not at all. If ever I do consign a man who is not mad to an msane asy- lum I make my mind easy, for I am quite cer tain that if not crazy at the time of his incarcera- tion he soon will be.” ‘SAME FOR BOTH. MapaM = AcIDULOU8— “Hem! Yes, well, since | you were here yester day I have inquired about |you and I have concluded | to take you on trial.” |_ SHARP MAIDEN—"* Yes'm. I just dropped in to say that since I was here ye \terday I have inquired about you and I wouldn't peen in the country. again,” ‘Crry pou—“ Good gracious! how sunburnt I have got since I have I shall actually be ashamed to meet my friends come on noconsideration.” to the Herald on the impertinence’of servant girls. ‘THE LIGHT OF EXPERIENCE. SUNDAY-SCHOOL TEACHER (mildly)—‘t What do I mean when I say ‘signsof the times’ ?” ScHoLar (who has just returned from a vacation in the mountains) -‘‘ Patent medicine advertisements, sir.” LUCK FOR THE FOOL-CATCHER, GosLINe sUBALT These civilians, Miss Madam Acidulous writes a half column letter! Daisy, pooh form, yo’ know, ah; know nothing of life, yo’ know, ah; fool-catcher could make fine haul here to-night, ah.” Miss Daisy—‘ Ah, yes; if the fool-catcher were to throw his net now I’m sure the place would be left tenantless.” Gosling subaltern breathes hard and says “Ah yes, al” A UTTLE OUT OF JOINT. ADVERTISING AGENT (spouting)—"* This is the age in which the business man has got to catch the public eye if he wants to succeed.” ADVERTISER (doubtingly)— PAST AND PRESENT. Youno Lapy—“ You are re7. Mr, SimpLe—‘' Oh, yes—o1 fond of rowing, are you n . Simple?” mean I was three hours ago. r, “Well, how is it that an- nouncement of mine you have been publishing has not brought about a boom ¢” ADVERTISING AGENT (in ex- tenuation)—‘ You see, my dear sir, advertising is an art in thesedays. Your announce- ment was too true to be be- lieved. You want to deal more in paradoxes. Look at that land company in Vir- ginia that advertises so largely in all the dailies. It speaks in the most glowing terms of the salubrious climate in an advertisement that is set up in the shape of a tombstone.” ENFANT TERRIBLE, Littte Jounny (inquisi- tively)— Where are you going, ma?” Mrs. Brown (pampering him)—“ I'm going to the re- ception at the Academy of Design, my dear.” Litre Jounny (misled by her decollete corsage)—‘'I suppose you are going to sit for a statue, ain’t you, mat” Play tells more on a man than work. comicbooks:com