Judge — August 14, 1886 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

3 “Say, Mike, my dipper leaks. If you'll swap I'll get you the appointment of city librarian when I get out. rupted her majesty.‘ Vich I thought you'd forgot it, ‘avin’ left it on the parlor table at ‘ome. Vich Idon’t doubt Mrs. Gladstun ‘as itin ‘er keepin’ at times—vich it is ‘ome rule, an’ I ‘opes ye likes it.” Your majesty,” ventured Mr. Gladstone, low me a suggestion. Are you not sub- jected to draughts in this room ? I am not sen- sitive to these little annoyances. It's a remark- cold day when 1°— en you gets left, Villium? Vich I thinks Mary Hann, the gentleman's ‘at an’ | Ba: a sufferin’ from the draughts must go houtside to get varm. Mind the s Villium. They're werry perilous to men o° your hexuberance.” BOSS POOH BAH. They come back to us at regular intervals, the Tweeds. They will not stay dead. Their graves are uncomfortable, and they want to sec the boys. Either in person or by repre- sentative they are always with us. The origi- nal Tweed had as many offices as the Hon. Pooh Bah, He controlled the courts. He made the laws, The multipheity of respo y and reward and has no trouble to find adventurers anxious to serve as figureheads and do his work. He shares in the profits of every contract. He controls bureaus. He manages parties. Already wealthy, he proposes for himself wealth and political influence beyond compu- tation. He will take it out of the taxpayers of fis ety unless they take satisfaction out of im, Were there ever worse robbed men than these taxpayers? Will there ever be a time when the Democratic party will be managed by honest men? The penitentiary and the grave have no triumph, however their occu- Pants increase in number and respectability. Tweed aspires to his| The Tweeds come with new faces, but they have the old ways. How far up from the y buildings and the new aqueduct do the fluence and the stolen wealth of the new Tweeds extend ? THE SECRETARY AROUSED. Mr. Bayard was walking pensively home the other evening when a rude person knocked his hat off. do that for ?” inquired Mr. iderable curiosity, at the "same time picking the hat up and placing it .| firmly on his head. The rude person said never a word, but chucked Mr. Bayard a blow that made his nose bleed. “Sir,” said the secretary, applying his hand- kerchief to the afflicted part, ‘‘ your action is |reprehensible—I must be permitted to tell | you that.” Therenpon the rude person kicked Mr. Bay- ard into the ditch and proceeded to step on him. “‘This—this is unbearable!” exclaimed Mr. Bayard. “It will presently be necessary to expostulate. By heavens! I was never so humiliated in all my life.” “What d'ye soy?” inquired the rude per- son. | “Tsay, sir,” remarked Mr. Bayard firmly jas he moved away, casually nursing his |injuries and dusting his clothes, ‘I say, sir, that I shall institute an inquiry into this out- rage without delay. There shall be an inves- tigation, sir—an investigation!” UNDERGROUND LAW-BREAKING. Will the wires ever go underground? The law says they must. The subway commission says they must. The people say they must. Apparently the question is whether they shall disappear or the business interests of this city shall go in their stead. But the corporations which own the wires are powerful, and watch with a jealous eye the public interests they are supposed to treat with contemptuous indif- ference. ‘Good gracious!” they exclaimed some time ago, “if you disturb the ground by providing for the burial of these wires you will bring to the surface the germs of innu- merable diseases and we shall have a great epidemic.” And now they remark, ‘‘ Good gracious! here is a contract for burying the wires which gives away without money an underground franchise as valuable as the Broadway surface franchise about which you have all been howling.” It is difficult todeal with these people. They are totally unselfish. They take no thought of themselves, being anxious merely to save the confiding public from imposition. But if they have their way there will be no burial of the wires; and, after all, the question is whether they shall obey the law or whether the law shall obey them. There are no under- ground wires. There is a vast amount of underground law. TuE Hopes of the mugwumps and especially of their chief, Mr. Curtis, are swiftly and surely fading away.—Buffalo Express. Remarkable phenomenon. Reminds us of Ferguson's dog. Dog lost tail seven years ago, and now the space originally occupied by tail is fading away too, Disappearance of atmosphere. Curious thin; ays she prefers to be called Frances, or Frank, and that she abominates the ‘‘ie” attached to so many young ladies’ names. And really they are ridiculous. For instance, the letters mean ‘‘that is to say,” and too frequently their possessors have noth- ing to say at all. Mrs. CLEVELAND Every pay the Sun has growls at the presi- deyt from its correspondents, and every day it insists editiorially that they must cease. It is the bite and the antidote, but the administra- tion is puzzled to know why the cure is worse than the disease. A COMBINATION on the part of Canada and Mexico to capture the United States strikes us with startling force as barely possible. Let us hope it will not be made just yet, however. Mr. Bayard is in feeble health and doesn’t like to be disturbed. Mrs. STANTON says that for twelve years she was employed by a lecture bureau and that she is in good health yet. And we dare say that most of her hearers are. They were enured to hardship in those days. AUGUST FASHIONS. ‘There's little change in trousers this month. comicbooks.com